Exes: Stopping The On And Off Cycle

We all have done it….We say it’s over then somehow we end up at his place at 11pm Friday night. Sleeping with an ex feels comforting and you can pretend for a split second that you are still together. Most of the time relationships get played out longer than it needs to. This results in the on again off again dynamic. In this type of relationship that’s where the most drama happens. There are no labels, yet a lot of history. As a whole, it’s a race to see who finds a new partner first. Men use this time to transition smoothly into the next relationship. What are the consequences when you keep up the relationship?…What’s the protocol when you run into him?….

Why do we do on again, off again?…..

It feels comfortable to sleep with someone we know versus a stranger….

We can justify it’s not like we are out there having one night stands with randoms. Yet, sleeping with an ex tricks you into thinking you are still in the relationship when in fact you are far from it.

You secretly think you will get back together….

He has a totally different agenda with sleeping with you. It’s not because he wants to give it another chance.

You are afraid to get back out there…..

It probably took you forever to get this guy to commit. It takes a ton of energy to start over. You decide a gray area is better.

What should we do instead?……

Cut contact…..

I know it sounds dramatic, but agreeing to keep an ex in your life will only be confusing down the road.

Block him on socials….

It’s best to not see what he is up to. Seeing him with another girl will ruin your week.

Don’t agree to be friends or friendly…..

He is trying not to be the bad guy. He doesn’t actually want to be friends, he just doesn’t want drama when you run into each other.

5 ways to treat an Ex….

Even if we aren’t the late night hook up girl, what can we do if we run into an ex? Should you talk, wave, act like everything is cool?…..

1. The concept of being friendly towards an ex needs to stop- (this is a case of a toxic ex). You aren’t the bigger person by being sweet as pie to him. Men don’t really get the hint that you are killing him with kindness. He just sees you as being nice to him. Acting friendly and taking the high road might be a mark of maturity, but it won’t translate well. It’s not childish to ignore him if you spot him in public.

2. Don’t try to make him jealous – You might be on a new date when he walks by. This isn’t your opportunity to say hello and bring attention to your new date. Trust me he doesn’t care….keep it moving.

3. Avoid his hang out spot- You know where your ex hangs out, yet you somehow “forget” and show up anyway. Stop doing this! A “chance meeting” won’t spark his interest to approach you. I know you think. “it’s not fair, he can’t take a cool spot away from me!” I hear you, and it does suck. Not to say you should avoid it forever, but it shouldn’t be an act of rebellion to show up all the time.

4. If you run into your ex don’t immediately tell your friend- Running into him shouldn’t be front page news. I know it’s fun to have a slice of gossip, but it reinforces that he is still apart of your life. Obviously, if something insane happens, like him free styling and slipping on a banana peel then tell people. Just the act of seeing him sip coffee and reading shouldn’t warrant you telling all your friends.

5. The opposite of love is apathy- Running into him should feel like…nothing. It’s not an opportunity to be mean or prove anything. Stop talking smack about him to strangers if he is brought up. You look like the unhinged person, not him.

Bottom Line…..

Truly moving on and getting over an ex feels amazing. Women are pressured to be nice to everyone, even a man who cheated or screwed her over. Not saying you should be slashing his tires, but there should be no obligation to say hello or act like you moved on around him. On that note, stop bringing dates around where you know he will be. Overall, if you ended on decent terms just remember to give less than he is, him giving you a wave doesn’t mean you run up to him and give a bear hug. An ex you are still hooking up with has an expiration date, and will end when he finds his next girlfriend. He has no intention to give you guys another shot. Stop it before it starts.