The Meet Cute

Ahh, yes, the story of how you met. You want that romantic tale of how you locked eyes across the room and just knew he was the one. It’s a story you want to tell your future kids and a lesson to teach about seizing the moment–“your mother didn’t even want to go to the party…” It becomes a metaphor about believing in love and how it can appear out of nowhere. So what if you don’t have a romantic story? What if you just met on Tinder?

What is a “meet cute”?….

The meet cute is when two people are brought together by romantic or unusual circumstances. Just about any romantic comedy movie will involve this trope.

Are we putting too much emphasis on the meet cute?…

A year ago, I met this guy at a party and we ended up talking all night. We met in the wild, in person, no apps. It was a total organic experience that is very rare these days. A week later, I ran into him again. Because of the experience of how we had met, I put a huge emphasis that it must be “meant to be.” It ended in the most anti – climatic way by… never going anywhere. If this were just a regular Tinder date I would not have thought about it twice. What I didn’t take into account was that he didn’t use apps. He met people this way all the time. It wasn’t a special experience, just another typical Friday night.

The meet cute is just to impress other people….

The story of how you met only really matters in a social situation. It is nice to have a romantic beginning instead of saying you met on an app. If someone is asking how you met, it’s just out of politeness, not true interest.

Stop holding on for the story….

Everyone wants that romantic story. You picture it coming up in your vows at the wedding, but meeting in a cute way doesn’t mean the entire relationship will be romantic or even form into anything. It’s just a cute meeting. That’s it.

“Fate brought us together”….

Meeting someone in a romantic way will bring out what I call “mystical thinking.” You will say to yourself that the relationship is meant to be because you were both at Whole Foods at the same time. You have to remember that most of life is totally random and mainly a coincidence. It’s not wise to base a fantasy relationship on a random situation.

Bottom Line…

Yes, it’s fun to daydream about, it makes a great story, but it’s not a reflection of how the relationship will go. Since everyone is meeting on apps, the romantic story is even more important to people. What might be magical and rare to you could be an everyday occurrence to him. You will put extra meaning into the interaction. I have had terrible relationships that started as romantic encounters. What’s important is the relationship as a whole. Are you being treated right, do you like him, and so on. The next time you meet a guy reaching for the same loaf of bread remember that the universe is random and most things are a coincidence.

The Do’s And Don’t Of The Opening Message On Bumble

Bumble now has pre-made openers to help with writers’ block. I have wondered if every guy only receives, “If you were an ice cream, what flavor would you be?” We used to roll our eyes at the guys who sent the simple, “Hey.” Now that the tables have turned, women have eaten their words. First of all, Bumble is the land of lazy dudes. It’s marketed as men who are “male feminists” who want women to feel empowered. In reality, it is guys who only like to dip his toe in the dating game while he is building his rolodex of lady callers. So… what can we say to a guy to stand out?

  1. Cater to his interests-

If he is smart, he will include his extracurricular activities in his profile. This can go in a platonic direction or a fun one. I would say to stay away from sports. First of all, he probably knows way too much about it and will start to bore you. Unless you are a hardcore sport girl then go for it, but once those flood gates are open, it’s hard to stop.

  1. Don’t be boring-

Anything that is a greeting or asking about his weekend or work….yawn. It feels like a vague test to force the other person be the interesting one. Usually it ends up with two people saying “how are you?” – “good how are you?” For two weeks straight.

  1. Mention a photo he has –

It’s hard for a man to have pictures of himself that aren’t blurry snapshots or a very formal school pic. His photos are there for a reason. If he has a shot of himself doing a weird thing or if his hair looks different in every pic, then mention it. Asking a simple question such as, what beach did he go to can be a good conversation starter.

  1. Find your own voice – You shouldn’t have a ghost writer for your dating profile. If you did get an opening, you have to keep up the facade.
  2. Be flirty -I matched with a guy who plays Dungeons and Dragons. I said, “So when you say dungeon master…. (Black heart emoji)” Flirty means not crossing the line to vulgar. Keep it at a wink wink level.
  1. Use a popular reference –

Not saying you should throw down a quote. For example, if he is holding a martini glass say, “ Shaken or stirred?” Make sure the reference isn’t too obscure. There is nothing worse than backpedalling and explaining a joke.

  1. Be aware of some the pre-made openers-

If you do use one, look for one that asks a question. I would stay away from the ones that forces the guy to play a game. Such as a “two truths and a lie.” It feels like homework.

  1. Remember that you aren’t in high school –

Musical tastes, favorite movies, tv shows aren’t a deal breaker anymore. It can hit a brick wall when you mention a band and he hasn’t heard of them. Yes, people bond over certain tastes. Yet, if it’s not on his profile then assume he hasn’t seen it.

  1. Some of his prompts are helpful, some are not-

Bumble, like Hinge, has prompts on the profile. Unfortunately, most men don’t pick the ones that are conversation starters. Yet, if you are lucky there will be one that begs to be asked. If he has the right prompt then it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

  1. Stay away from CoronaVirus humor-

I know it’s seems obvious to address what’s going on, just don’t turn it into a lewd joke.

Bottom Line….

Is Bumble the best App for dating? No. Women shouldn’t be going though all this trouble. As far as challenging yourself it’s good practice. It helps with flirting skills and getting creative with language. The main problem is you might have to do the opening line, then the follow up and so on. An opening line should simply be like saying hello to a guy at a party. If he doesn’t track you down later and continue the conversation then it’s pointless. Don’t stress too much over the opening line. If he thinks you are pretty and wants to talk to you anyway then that’s all that matters.