It can be frustrating if you have great chemistry, he treats you well, yet he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. You begin to blame yourself and are convinced you are not girlfriend material. Most likely what happened was the relationship was rushed sexually and it became impossible to work backwards to get to know one another….
Can we avoid becoming casual in the first place?…..
How a relationship starts is so important! It’s easy to get in a pattern of going over to his place and hooking up. When you delay sex and insist of going on dates in public, you will avoid being stuck in limbo. It’s extremely hard to work backwards. If you already jumped the gun and slept together, see if he wants to scale things back. If he suggests dates in public and asks non-sexual questions about your life, you are on the right track.
You are always being tested…..
He might not have a clipboard on him, but he is constantly judging and testing you. When he brings you around his friends, that is the first test. Maybe you weren’t a great conversationalist with them and had your face in your phone.
What if you really catch feelings…..
If you are the type that gets easily attached to guys, then you need to pump the brakes at the beginning. Not every woman can do casual. Getting involved in an F-boy is the worst situation. Don’t accept bottom-of-the-barrel dates or send him nudes. Be firm about public dates. If he ghosts, then he was just after one thing. Get out sooner than later; he isn’t going to change his mind. You can waste years trying to impress a dude who doesn’t even know your college major.
Keep the “relationship” under wraps…..
The second you start talking to friends about how great he is, it will fall apart. Don’t glamorize or seek constant advice about him to your friends. Your bestie doesn’t want to see you hurt, however, her objections might “Romeo and Juliet” your attraction to him. Meaning, you will feel like it’s you and him against the world.
Can you turn it around and get serious?….
Hmmm….it’s hard. Men love murky and strive to be in a FWB situation for as long as you let him. He has probably put you in the hook-up bucket and cannot see you as more. If you don’t want to drop the hard ultimatum just yet, see what his actions are. Distance yourself a little and resist reaching out and texting. Pay attention to what he does on holidays and your birthday (if he even knows your birthday). He might be saying he wants to take you to a nice dinner, yet if you wind up only going to his place, then that was intentional. Actions speak louder than words in this case.
Keep dating people!….
Can’t stress this enough. A lot of the time a FWB will want to be exclusive. Yet it can be misinterpreted to mean boyfriend. It usually means he does not want you sleeping with other men. Do not agree to any form of exclusivity unless it is being boyfriend / girlfriend. In the meantime, keep going on dates, keep up with the apps. Don’t make him your entire world.
If you are looking to get into a serious relationship, you have to do things differently. It involves patience and restraint. Resist having sex early on; it’s hard to work backwards to get to know a person. Don’t have the mindset, “whatever happens, happens.” You should be thinking of future consequences. Has a relationship ever formed based on a one-night stand?…sure, but you shouldn’t count on it happening and it’s not worth the risk. If you are just seeking casual and mean it, then great. You don’t have to force a casual guy to be your boyfriend. Just enjoy your time while you have it.