It’s Not Just A Free Lunch

I stand by a man paying for a date; however, he needs to keep it in his budget. There are girls who have zero intention of going on a second date with a guy and who order the lobster and most expensive champagne. Not saying a woman doesn’t deserve a fancy date now and then. How can both parties feel they are investing without getting the short end of the stick?…..

A first date should be drinks…..

Sure, you can do coffee, but it does not produce a sexy environment. Dating is not a quick errand; it needs to be thought out. Getting a few drinks in a nice environment may give as much opportunity for chemistry as a candlelit dinner. This does not mean top shelf or the most expensive wine bar in town (unless it’s in his budget). Be fine with a bar with a pool table and cheap drinks. Nondrinkers should go with a reasonably priced lunch.

First date location can be a negotiation….

Go low so he can go high. When asked where you want the date to take place, think of a simple middle-of-the-road place that is affordable. He deciding to up the ante is his choice. Be considerate of his money, especially when he is student or not working at a fancy job. However, you still deserve to be treated, even if it’s over beer and a slice of pizza.

Just because he paid big bucks doesn’t mean he is in love with you…..

Men with money have the advantage of impressing a woman. It might be written off to an expense account. He views it as more of a business expense rather than getting to know you.

Try not to do dinner on a first date…..

When you are unsure about your feelings for a guy, turn down dinner. You never know if he will make you split the bill or Venmo you later. It’s too much pressure and there is nowhere to go but down. A first date needs to be two people getting to know each other in a relaxed environment. Again, sure…. every blue moon a fancy date can be accepted, but it’s not a habit to get into.

Make sure you are doing your part…..

Put away your phone, dress nicely for the occasion, and put on a smile. You can be present and ask questions for an hour even if you aren’t crazy about a person.

Don’t string him along….

It’s very unkind to eat the free lunch over and over and have zero interest. You are the reason guys like going Dutch nowadays. Offer to pay the tip and actually mean it.

Bottom Line…..

When two people are into each other and investing, then it’s all gravy. However, a lot of the time it’s an unbalanced dynamic that results in people getting used. Do women get used? Yes. But men can be taken advantage of from women as well, resulting in him being sour to the next girl and only going Dutch from here on out. A woman needs to feel a guy is investing, but a man needs to feel she is grateful and present. Not saying that the only date you deserve is a cheap fast-food drive-through. A first date should be reasonable and within his budget. Be fine with a middle-of-the-road place that is more relaxed, unless he wants to take you somewhere fancy. Still, try to not be caught up in all the free lunches, because there is no free lunch.

Are You In Love With The Chase?

The chase is when a match is just out of reach, yet still attainable. It adds value and makes finally going out with him feel like it’s worth it. Men who don’t give us the time of day are seen as more of a challenge then a red flag. Love expert Michael Hussey says, “ If someone is not showing you they want you, stop chasing that person.” If you are the type to have an addictive personality, you are more likely to fall for the chase.

Are you trying to win him over?…..

Were you only noticed when your report card was perfect and you won the basketball game? Certain caregivers early on set the tone for proving our self-worth. This results in over-pleasing for strangers and perfectionism.

Do you love drama?…..

The highs and lows are exciting and can be seen as a passionate relationship. Some of us thrive on conflict and love that he is hot and cold. The show “Sex and the City” captures this type of dynamic with the Carrie-and-Big situation. When she had a stable commitment from Aidan, it wasn’t exciting enough. The stability was seen as boring and not passionate.

Are you a control freak?…..

Some fear the relationship actually working out. It’s easier to set it on fire and keep the dynamic on your terms. Rejection can be more of a relief than the unknown.

Are you a “try hard”?…..

The only thing that a women needs to do in dating is to be charming, look good, and show up. There is a wave of females who have been called, “pick-me-chicks.” The behavior attracts lazy men who want everything easy. She is seen on Instagram making her unlabeled situationship gourmet meals while he is playing video games. These women are also codependent and put others’ needs ahead of theirs in general.

Are you afraid to receive?…..

Ironically, leaning in and being a go-getter doesn’t serve you in the dating world. Practice receiving and just say thank you. You really have to be more passive and do less than you are doing. Being the social director, or trying to fix his life will not impress him long-term. More than likely, he will take the free lunch, then use his spare change to impress the next girl.

Bottom Line……

Some of us can get caught up in the chase because of our childhood. We might be repeating patterns that we used to gain our caregivers’ affection. The best thing you can do is to take a step back. Are you trying to sabotage yourself and wanting him to reject you? When you are giving 80 percent he can only give you 20 percent back. The man who enjoys being pampered is taking advantage of the situation and will drop you the second he finds someone he is actually interested in.

Ending The “Three-Monther” With A FWB

Timelines and milestones are important in any type of relationship. In casual dating there are no anniversary dinners. Yet, three months is a big mile marker for any budding relationship. It’s the first check in to see where things are at. In a friends-with-benefits (FWB) situation it needs to be clicking and both parties happy. Having a safety net relationship should be helping you to meet your match. How do you know when your casual situationship has run its course?….

How did the relationship start?…..

A placeholder relationship can be beneficial unless it doesn’t have the respect. No matter the relationship dynamic, everyone wants to feel chosen and special. The ideal friends-with- benefits dynamic is a lot of chemistry, but is misaligned with future goals and timing. At your core, you should be friends and like spending time together. When a relationship starts out with him not valuing you, it’s hard to brush it off and move forward.

He constantly talks about other women…..

There should be an unspoken rule about what happens outside your relationship stays there. Some people are totally fine with this, but even the most emotionally mature feel the sting when he exclaims he spent $200 on a fancy dinner date while he insists on going dutch with you.

You barely see each other…..

No, there shouldn’t be a set schedule, but seeing each other every six months isn’t fulfilling his duties. Either keep him around as a back-up, or cut him loose. You should see each other fairly often or else there is no benefit to it.

You get left in the dust when you go out together…..

He is supposed to be your escort and you invited him so you had someone to talk to. You end up spending the night texting him asking where he is and you discover he is chatting up random girls. Worse case, he expects you to be his wing lady.

You feel icky when you leave his apartment…..

Trust your gut with this. Feeling shameful or guilty is something to pay attention to. A FWB should feel like a friend that you have fun with. You shouldn’t be hit with a wave of regret every time you get back in your car to leave.

You’re catching feelings…..

It’s not going to work! A guy who decides it is casual isn’t in the mindset of seeing you as a girlfriend. Are there exceptions? Sure. However, if he didn’t see your value from date one, then why do you expect him to see it month three?

Bottom Line…..

Dragging out a thing that isn’t working and making you frustrated needs to go. An ideal friends- with- benefits is at its core your friend, and someone who doesn’t cross your mind that much. He is a backup for dry periods and a fun time when you go out together. Most men screw this type of relationship by over-communicating his every thought. Everyone wants to feel special and don’t need to be reminded that they are the placeholder. Three months is a good time to reflect and see if everything is clicking for both parties.

The Jam Experiment

“The Jam Experiment” is about the paradox of choice. It was an analogy of consumers having too many choices, therefore not making ANY choices. Picture a whole floor-to-ceiling shelf of jam. You would be so overwhelmed by the number of choices that you would be unable to pick one. Having only three or four variety of jams, you would be able to purchase one; the same works for dating. In the app-culture we live in now it’s overwhelming to pick one person to date, making us unable to commit. This is a case where you are ready to settle on one guy. If you want abundance, then the app-world will certainly give it to you. In the pursuit of wanting commitment there can be a lot of extra visual and mental clutter that needs a good spring cleaning….

Are the apps helpful or hurtful?…..

It is nice to cast a wider net and meet men you would normally never meet. Plus, it’s easier to date men from other religious and cultural and financial backgrounds. You no longer are stuck in your own social circle. However, it creates the illusion of endless choice and options. For the casual dater that is an advantage. It’s good to have the attitude of “onto the next.” If you are wanting something more serious, then obviously having too many options is a problem. It’s best to use apps less and go through friends or meeting men in person at events, etc.

How many apps are too many?…..

Having too many dating apps on your phone can get complicated. Try out the ones that you find the most helpful and that give you the most forward motion. It really depends on the area you live in. One app may have more options than others. It’s too hard to keep conversations going with six different apps.

Should you edit your matches?…..

Keeping matches organized can be a good idea, but not necessary. It might be a good idea to cut the fat, so to speak, and only keep around the matches that want to meet up. Eliminating visual clutter can make the apps less overwhelming and prevent dating burnout.

How many dates should you go on?……

Once a week should be your max. This way you still have time to focus on your friends and work. Dating is a numbers game to a certain extent, but that doesn’t have to mean going out with a new guy every night.

Should you vet the guy more before meeting in person?…..

Yes. It’s not worth agreeing to go out with a guy that you know won’t work out. You need to keep some deal breakers in mind ( he just got out of a breakup, lives far away, is only looking for casual when you want something serious, etc). This will prevent you from having a pointless date.

Quality over quantity……

Make an effort to meet men off the apps. The best is through friends or extracurricular activities. Join an improv group or a soccer league. You might be surprised who you connect with. It will be a slower process, but it’s worth it to meet better men. Write down a list of green flags you are looking for. Challenge yourself to think in terms of his morals and lifestyle, not just physical appearance.

Bottom Line……

Too many choices result in zero choices. We are all susceptible to analysis paralysis. Going on endless dates can cause dating burnout where you are just in an endless first-date loop. For “law of attraction” purposes it might be a good idea to write down the qualities you want out of a guy. This way it’s in your brain and you will be able to recognize it when it’s in front of you. Keep only one to two apps on your phone. This cuts down the clutter and flurry of pointless messages. Only continue to talk to men who want to meet you. Make a point to network with more people in public. We live in a time where face-to-face communication is discouraged. Learn how to be social again and stop staring at your phone the whole time you are out.

Negging and Sarcasm

“I was just joking”…. How many times have you heard that? It comes up a lot in a dating situation that is unbalanced. Many women accept the ball-busting because they want to seem like “one of the guys.” Yet, it communicates to him that you have zero boundaries and more than likely you are in a weird, casual, confusing “situationship.” He would NEVER be disrespectful to a woman he is actually into.

What exactly is “negging”…..

There was a show in the early 2000s called, “The Pickup Artist.” It taught beta males how to pick up women. What came out of it, unfortunately, is a term called, “negging.” This is when a man tears you down, then builds you back up. They will make you insecure and then throw in a compliment. Some men fail to do the build-you-up aspect of the tactic. Basically, there are a lot of guys just straight up insulting women. For example, they might say, “I didn’t realize that your shirt was still in style.” It’s a slick put down that makes you feel insecure.

What are some examples of “jokes”…..

Every comedian knows that jokes are truths and then lies. The main thing to focus on is the truth to his “joke.” It is the safest way to bring up a topic because he can immediately say, “No, no, I was kidding, chill out,” and then turn it on you that you don’t have a sense of humor. Some common examples are about your weight, your general appearance, or maybe even your intelligence. He might bring out the dumb-blond jokes when you are in fact brunette.

Would he really do it to his dream girl?….

Picture this…. Romeo sees Juliet across the room…. Do you really think he would take that opportunity to say she looks fat in her gown? Yea, didn’t think so. You have to think in the mindset of “would he treat his dream girl this way”?

“But he is just a sarcastic guy”…..

Yea…. he still shouldn’t be doing it to you. Sure, he might test out his tight five-minute comedy routine on you, but if you have expressed that it bugs you, he should never do it again. Another example is being performative around his buddies and make you the butt of the joke. It could stem from him being uncomfortable and wanting a way to downplay his relationship status.

How does he speak about you when you aren’t around?…..

I have noticed in interviews with celebrities and well-known comedians of how much they are into their partner. I understand that men cringe at the thought of being mushy. However, it is a red flag to hear a man speaking of his wife saying, “the old bag, my ball and chain, the boss.” Too many unflattering adjectives wrapped in a funny bow make you question how he really feels.

“I roast the ones I love”…..

Joking and ball-busting is usually reserved for friends. Making fun of you translates to him seeing you as more of a buddy than lover. Same thing with calling you masculine names such as “bro, dude, man.” He is stripping away your feminine qualities and throwing you in a friend bucket. Not to say he wouldn’t turn down hooking up. When it comes to presenting you as a couple in public he will dance around the title leaving you confused.

Bottom Line…..

Again, picture all the romantic movies and literature. Rarely does the protagonist make fun of his perfect woman. A man will not risk offending a girl he really is into. Pay close attention to his “jokes.” It could be a sign that he isn’t all in with the relationship. Usually, it is dipping his toe in and saying what he isn’t pleased with. There is so much truth in what he is essentially criticizing. It’s easy to backpedal and say it was all a joke. It could also be a tactic to keep you small and on your toes. This comes from a man who is highly insecure and needs the power balance to always be in his favor. Be wary of a guy who does it from the start.

Trauma Dumping

Just went on a recent app date where the first few sips of beer was him trauma dumping. It was as if a mirror was placed up to my face. Years ago, I treated every date as an intense dark one-woman show. To women, bonding = tell the person your trauma, then they can share theirs. With an app date you can’t trust a stranger with your deep dark secrets and insecurities. If he ghosts you, airing all your dirty laundry will make you cringe and feel raw…. How can you prevent yourself and him from sharing too much and not treat a date like a therapy session?……

What to do when he is trauma dumping…..

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1.Steer the ship….

You don’t get permission to trauma dump if the conversation switches. Always bring it back to light material. You can literally get up and disrupt the flow by grabbing another drink or going to the restroom

2. Set up boundaries…..

Interrupt your date who keeps going into sad stories. You can flat out say in a nice way that you want to talk about fun stuff. He might not even realize he is doing it.

3. Leave the date if he can’t snap out of it…..

You can try to change the subject all day, but he might keep shifting it back around. When this is happening you have to get up and leave. Do a graceful and kind exit, but don’t get buried by his bad mood

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What to do when you are trauma dumping….

1. Pre-date….

Can’t say it enough! You need to come into the date with the right mood and energy. Listen to that song, meditate, walk around the block, etc

2. Actually talk to your therapist…..

It’s interesting when people don’t utilize their therapist while in session. Then when two glasses of wine are in them….boom, trauma dump to a total stranger. You are paying your therapist for trauma dumping and working out issues.

3. Notice your patterns….

Going back to the two glasses of wine thing….is that when you start trauma dumping. Alcohol can be great in moderation to loosen you up, but bad when it takes you to a dark place. Notice what triggers you and stay away from it for a first date.

Bottom Line….

Both parties can encourage trauma dumping. A first date is not a safe space to tell all your insecurities or deepest fears. You are sitting across from a stranger who is not your paid therapist. You doing this every date needs to be examined. Get a therapist, or set up more frequent appointments. Long-term you will feel embarrassed and raw when you get ghosted. There needs to be trust in a person to share such personal information. When he cannot be steered by disrupting and changing subjects, you need to leave. Do not reward bad behavior by egging him on and acting like his therapist. Once you become his unpaid therapist, you will remain in this role for him until he works out his issues and finds someone else.

Cheating: Physical and Emotional

I have never been cheated on to my knowledge, but I have been the “other woman” unknowingly. You have to keep in mind that a cheater has to lie to all parties involved. Once you do cheat and get away with it, you will feel suspicious of your own partner. Emotional cheating is the gray area of cheating. A laugh or smile from a person who isn’t your significant other can be devastating. Some women would rather a man just have the physical encounter, whereas men would feel emasculated when finding out his girlfriend slept with someone else. You have to keep in mind that cheating requires a lot of work. There are only so many hours in the day. If a man is living by himself and not with you the signs will be a little bit more subtle. The main thing to look out for is just a shift in vibe or habits. Some men have Excel spreadsheets and can juggle multiple women with ease. Yet, certain actions will be a little fishy and those are the signs you can pinpoint and investigate more. Let’s break down the signs…..

He is working out more…..

It seems odd that the couch-potato-video-game guy is now a gym rat

He is working late…..a lot…..

When you start cheating, you are creating a new life. Once you come home to explain where you have been, your go-to is work.

He hides his phone….

Some people are private in general with their phone. It’s mainly the attitude of being panicked around his phone or who is texting

He is projecting….

Once you realize how easy it is to cheat, it’s sort of a mind-f*ck. He might accuse you of cheating

He will start fights….

Weirdly, he still wants to be the good guy even though he is cheating. He wants the relationship to end in other ways, not him cheating

His mood will be different….

Something will be…..off. He might have guilt or fear he will be caught. Acting on edge and defensive will be common

Your friend comes across his dating profile….

He will probably deny that it is still active. This can happen after a big fight where he is dipping his toe in singleness, but has not cheated yet.

He has picked up new interests out of nowhere….

Suddenly he is obsessed with a new band or show. You have to wonder who introduced him to it. This can include sexual stuff. He might have a new move out of nowhere…again who introduced him to that. Any sexual change is a red flag even if more frequency seems like a positive thing

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The other woman…..

Sometimes you could be the other woman and not know. You have to look out for excuses that do not make sense. On the flip side, you knowing he is cheating with you does not mean he likes you more. You shouldn’t feel more important than his main squeeze. If you happen to be his next girlfriend, be on your toes; he cheated with you so obviously he doesn’t view cheating as bad.

The biggest clue you are the other woman…..

Simple things like just meeting up are always ignored or canceled. There could be a total drop off in communication and then it suddenly gets picked up again. It’s feels like pulling teeth to just hang out and it’s always on his timetable. He might claim he works a 9-5 so he is only available at 11pm. Or he is just a “night owl.” You feel he is interested, he is the first one to watch your stories, yet you are always confused why he doesn’t text more or want to meet up. It comes down to your gut feeling. Some guys who have girlfriends still like to flirt and get the ego stroked. He probably feels meeting will cross the line, yet digital stuff is fair game.

Bottom Line….

Women and men cheat differently, yet sometimes men can emotionally cheat as well. At the end of the day, needs are not being met. Maybe you have discussed problems with no solution. It’s always better to end things rather than cheat. It’s not fair to your partner. Plus the trauma of being cheated on will follow you and not let you trust anyone in the future. Leave your partner better than you found them.

Picking a Friends With Benefits

There is an episode of the show “30 Rock” titled “Stride of Pride.” In the episode it breaks down the concept of the type of people you date and keep in your “dating triangle.” The show calls the “friends with benefits” (FWB) “the sex idiot,” implying you are going for looks, but no substance. To me, there is more to it than that. When you have found yourself in a casual phase, it’s best to know who would make a great partner. Yet, there should be a vetting process of who can fill that slot. Let’s check off those boxes…..

He is in a transitional stage or travels a lot…..

He is getting his masters or PhD and the last thing he wants is to commit. He plans on moving away once he graduates. Or he has a fairly demanding job where he might travel.

He likes you more than you like him…..

Your phone will blow up from him fairly often and you don’t have to sacrifice your schedule and plans to see him. He is willing to bend his schedule just to see you.

You are fine with never hanging in public…..

There might have been dates in the beginning. You probably tried it, but realized he was bad in public. I dated a guy who I felt I couldn’t take anywhere because of how bizarre he would act in restaurants, the way he ordered food, used expired coupons, and flagged down the hostess for water every five minutes. However, you can still have the occasional meet up to switch things up. The home base should be his place.

He has his own place in town…..

Convenience is key! Do not travel two hours in traffic to see him. It’s best for him to play host so you can leave whenever you feel like it. Panic cleaning your bathroom when he wants to swing by on a whim is not fun.

Make sure you are enjoying your stay…..

In my experience, when the relationship is bedroom buddies, make sure that bedroom is decked out. Stop putting up with air-mattress guy. Give yourself a reason to go over. He might live in a fun area, have a beautiful balcony, a well-crafted bar cart…. you get it.

Let’s break down who you shouldn’t pick…..

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Anyone is the middle of a divorce or break up…..

He is filling a very large void. The worst thing is he will use you as a free therapist and talk constantly about her. It’s not fair to you to work overtime just for a hook up.

He is disrespectful….

He treating you as a purchase is unacceptable. There should be gentlemen qualities even in casual, with no pressure to have unsafe sex or any acts you don’t want to participate in.

You are obsessed with him…..

Your diary shouldn’t be full of entries about him. You aren’t scheming about ways to become his girlfriend.

He doesn’t communicate well…..

With certain casual dynamics there might be zero texts, then out of the blue you find out he got a girlfriend. There needs to be check ins and clear intentions with no surprises. Not saying you should have a gab fest daily, but at least know where you stand.

He is somehow connected in your life…..

No co-workers, friend of a friend, or your aunt’s second cousin’s neighbor. When you have a paper trail and outsiders, it will cause pressure. Weirdly, they might ruin it by convincing you to be boyfriend / girlfriend. Some dynamics and timing are fine to leave as they are.

Bottom Line…..

Picking the right FWB is important. The goal is to treat it like what it’s meant to be….casual. You don’t dream about finally being together; there isn’t this weight of emotions. He is your stable person in an unpredictable dating landscape. However, be prepared for sudden change when one of you gets into a relationship. Have respect for each other and be mindful of the other person’s health and emotions.

Abandoned For The New Man

Nothing feels better when you and your BFF are single at the same time. You stay out longer at the bars, commiserate over f*ckboys, and have the most heart-to-hearts. Then all of a sudden….she gets into a relationship. Texts are ignored, hangouts are postponed until further notice. How can you navigate when your bestie gets a new man?……

Stop the narrative that The Singles are jealous…..

We singles aren’t mad that you are in a relationship; we just want to see you. Are some single friends jealous?….could be, but that’s not all that is going on.

As the friend you feel crazy…..

You probably asked her to hang out countless times. The response is usually, “Well, I will have to see what Brad is up to, but maybe.” You aren’t sure if you should keep asking or drop it completely.

Understand what’s really happening……

The honeymoon fog takes over for the first month or so. She no longer needs three people for the work of one. She has a new therapist, lover, and friend all wrapped into one. After a certain point, stop asking just to be turned down.

You might be a bad influence…..

Pick up what she is putting down. She could have sworn off her single days and wants to wipe her old life away. You could be seen as a “bad influence” and take the blame for her bad behavior

What should you do?…..

Understand that the phase might pass, but be prepared if it doesn’t. Build up 2nd and 3rd tier friends now. Go to social events, parties, and mingle. When you have an army of acquaintances you will feel more in control. Seek out single friends who want to go out and be social.

What you should not do…..

The juvenile way of thinking is to sabotage her relationship so she becomes single again. Your opinions about her new boyfriend mean very little in her decision making. In fact, it will cause her to distance from you more. (Obviously, if he is an ex-con or an abuser speak up). Your only option is to hang in there and hope she wants to hang down the road.

Bottom Line…..

It hurts the most when you are the one left in the dust. Friendships are at their peak ripeness when you are both single, annoyed at men, and want to party. Just because she got swept away doesn’t mean you can’t seek out other single friends. I understand she is your BFF, but you need to leave space for her to grow. You can’t expect your relationship to stay the same forever. Your friends may move, get into relationships, or start a new demanding job. Friendships should be ever evolving with you always needing to be ready to add new friends to the rotation.

A Good Birthday Mindset

Have you ever been curious about how your friends and the guy you are seeing feel about you? Your birthday is that time (and other holidays), but mainly your birthday since it’s truly your day. As we get older our birthday pretty much becomes meaningless to others in general. You aren’t going to get party worthy of a Kardashian, but how should friends and guys you are seeing treat it?……

Friends need to acknowledge your birthday……

A text, a call, even a nice card is expected by a close long-distance friend. When your friend is living in town and chooses to do nothing….they aren’t your friend. Not saying it’s required that you be showered in gifts, but going out for a drink or two should be standard. When your zero-effort friend’s birthday rolls around, match her energy. The worst thing you can do is be the friend who doesn’t realize her friend is actually an acquaintance, and plans her an extravagant surprise party.

The guy you are dating……

Men show their true feelings on special occasions. When a man isn’t into you, he will come up with any excuse not to spend it with you. “I have to work,” “I have to study for finals,” “money is tight right now.” A man who is seriously into a girl will do everything in his power to make her day special.

Spend it with family……

Your family will be happy to buy a cake and give you a nice card. Family actually does care about your birthday!

Should you go on a first date?…..

I made the mistake of going on a back-to-back date a few birthdays ago. Not worth your time, trust me. It’s the same as a first date on Valentine’s; high risk with little reward. My dates had their own agenda of going out with me (it wasn’t to wish me a special day). On my end, I felt like I hired an actor to have fun with me.

What can you do for yourself?…..

It’s not pathetic to buy yourself flowers and a small cake. Make the day special for you, no matter how small. It’s best to not expect other people to follow though. Most of your friends have their own lives, stressful jobs, and truthfully, probably didn’t write down your birthday date in their calendar. Although, I encourage you to do a story about your birthday in Instagram. It’s a friendly reminder to have people wish you happy birthday.

Be grateful for what you have…..

Have gratitude for the people who show up and make your life special! Don’t pout that 20 people didn’t wish you a happy birthday. Enjoy your night no matter how simple. Having friends who still go all out for birthdays is rare.

Bottom Line…..

Birthdays are a barometer of who cares for you. Yes, people have lives, etc. Yet, a simple text or phone call should be expected from a close friend. In person friends should at the very least grab a few drinks with you. As far as the guy you are dating…. the proof is in the pudding. He dropping the ball is purposeful. Let him do it! Never strong-arm a man to make your birthday special. Get ahead of the day by booking a massage, hair appointment, pedicure. Do not spend your birthday with a stranger. Practice gratitude for the people in your life who love and care for you.