If you’ve been on the apps as long as I have, you will come across the same type of guys. Most are harmless, yet there are some that are true time wasters. If you are a “Rules” girl, a time waster is to be avoided at all costs. The good thing is that his traits will be revealed in the first day of chatting back and forth. Anyone out there who is banging their head against the wall and deletes Tinder every three months to get a new batch of guys can relate. Let’s break down some time-waster offenders….
The “I need something extra in addition to the date” Guy….
Sometimes it’s a joke….maybe. There are a lot of guys who live further away who want a tour of your town, or even food and gifts. It’s almost like he is asking for an incentive to take you on a date and makes you question if you are enough. If this happens, make it sound like it’s the most hilarious joke you have ever heard and say how silly he is. This might make him realize his need for more won’t fly with you. You can even put him on the spot and in a “joking” way say, “oh, am I not good enough?!” With a tongue out emoji. See what he says. If a guy lives an hour plus away, this is more likely to happen. A first date is stressful enough, but adding a need to play host adds too much pressure. Still, you don’t owe a guy extra in addition to the date; a date is enough. This guy is what I call the “half-way guy.” He is not at all invested and expects you to do all the work.
The “What’s the worst thing you’ve done?” Guy….
It sort of has an air of setting you up to fail. I personally think it’s a trap so you will reveal really traumatic personal things so he feels he dodged a bullet sooner. You feel like you are cornered because you don’t want to sound lame for never being arrested, yet if you take it too far there is no coming back from it. If you come across this, say the most innocent crime you can think of, such as jaywalking. This also falls into the category of the “two truths and a lie” game. Obviously, it is trying to get to know you in a creative way, yet it’s a stock “getting to know you” tactic. I wouldn’t spend an afternoon using your brain power to come up with the most clever answer. If this comes up a lot, then just write it down in your notes and copy paste. Stay in the land of positivity. Again, it sort of is a set-up to fail if you are bragging about something, or admitting something personal.
The “Let’s cut to the chase” Guy….
It is a guy who thinks getting to know you is stupid. He will huff, “what are we doing here? Let’s meet up!” His attitude of having a basic exchange being torture is extremely off-putting.
The “What are you looking for on here” Guy….
Any guy who asks that question wants casual…period. I get that he just wants to cut the bull, but it is also a lack of understanding of how women work. We need time to process, get to know a guy, feel the chemistry before we decide if we want to sleep with him. So rushing to the finish line will always be a no, even if it would have been a yes later. If you are also looking for casual, then great, he is down.
The “Sleazy Slimy” Guy….
Any guy who asks for nudes and is sexually explicit in the first exchange should be unmatched. Unless you want that type of transactional casualness.
The “Pick up Artist” Guy…..
“Hey toots, I didn’t realize that shirt was in style…” Yea that type of guy. Any dude who comes in with a “line” should be ignored or not taken seriously. He probably copied and pasted his pick-up line to 30 women. He is a time waster because he clearly doesn’t want to know you.
The “So, I am going though something” Guy….
There is nothing wrong with having feelings, or having a bad year, but to tell a stranger on the apps?….This guy gets the heart strings pulled, yet he is just a wounded bird and will only use you to get better to find someone else. He will never be able to commit and can always go back to “him not being in a good place.” This is true that he should be single to figure things out, yet don’t waste your time by being dragged along.
The “Pen pal” Guy….
This guy I honestly don’t have so much hatred for. Yet, it does get super frustrating when you know you like him and want to be asked out. But this guy will not waste your time in the real world. He might be a fun person who lives in your phone and you talk to. Some interactions are better off in the chatting phase, especially if his living situation doesn’t work, or if there are too many hurtles to even meet. It’s totally fine to practice flirting and not be so outcome based.
Bottom Line….
Some of these guys are big offenders and some are mild. Yet, they are all time wasters. Make your interactions positive and cut out people who don’t give off good energy. You can have an amazing personal conversation with men on apps, but the time wasters can be like paying the tolls on the highway that keep you from going on an awesome date with a guy. Think about where you are at and what stage of dating you are in. There might be stages where you just want to chat, or you might want to go on a lot of dates. It’s best to not get wrapped up in something that won’t go anywhere, especially if you are too focused on one guy.
Mostly Casual 