There is a right way and a wrong way to ask for a set up from friends. It takes strategy of whom to ask and it isn’t you just sitting at home while they find you your soulmate. The worst set up is from the reluctant friend who does not consider your type and interests and just throws you a single man with a pulse. Be rock solid about what type you are looking for before you tell others. What are things to keep in mind before you do the asking?…
Don’t ask your bestie, ask 2nd and 3rd tier friends….
The bar friends, or fun friends, see you at your best. Your BFF knows too much about you and will have a bias while looking. They might have blinders on to see a great match for you, mainly because they know your flaws and insecurities. Your bar friends see you as fun and positive and will want your match to be the same.
Leave out the negatives….
When you say what you don’t want, then the person might misremember and look for the negatives. Keep things very simple with only a few things you are looking for in a partner. You don’t want to confuse the one finding you a match. Don’t be too vague by throwing out universal adjectives. Stick to concrete things you are looking for, such as someone who works in the music or tech industry, for example. As far as a visual reference, talk about one celebrity crush that you are obsessed with.
Be social….
You can’t expect to sit at home while your unpaid matchmaker does the work. Don’t depend on a person who is doing you a big favor. Go to a lot of events, bars, house parties–all that. Bring your smile and your best outfit and mingle. It is best to get a set up as an in-person introduction rather than a drawn out back-and-forth.
Don’t follow up too much….
Your friend is not your matchmaker. They have their own lives and it’s rude to expect them to work around the clock for you. You sort of have to set it and forget it for the most part and hope for the best. The best strategy is to ask multiple friends so it becomes a numbers game.
Make sure your Instagram has photos of you….
When a friend wants to set you up, they need photos of you. It will be frustrating and not a great sell when you have only pics of your cat. Make sure to throw in a few flattering selfies and full body shots.
Bottom Line….
While asking for a set up be breezy and not pushy. You want the vibe that this is a fun thing that your friend can get excited about. When you are demanding and treating your friend like an unpaid intern they will be reluctant to actually find you someone. Still put yourself out there by going to parties and getting introduced by friends. Hang out with your socially extroverted friends who are well connected. A loose connection of theirs could become your next boyfriend. Make sure you are putting out great photos of yourself on socials. You need a reference for your friend to show. Make sure your pics are clear and flattering with head shots and body shots. Finally, have a tight elevator pitch that is positive about what type of person you are looking for.
Mostly Casual 