In an ideal world, money and relationships would not matter. There are always issues of power if the woman makes more money, or if both partners have no money. Personally, I have always struggled with money. I have worked in restaurants and have lived that bohemian life. Mainly, I have gotten into relationships with men who are restaurant workers while playing in a band. This has been restrictive to what sort of dates we could go on. It’s not practical to take a weekend off and fly to Hawaii or go to a fancy restaurant.
Being poor does not mean he is lazy…..
He might be trying to get a PhD or has a ton of student loan debt. It’s pretty common for young people to not be doing as well as their parents. He might have to live with roommates in a high rent situation. Nowadays, living in a city costs way more and is at the point of being not affordable.
What can you do if money is holding you back?….
It’s frustrating that you cannot go on nice dates. So getting to know a new guy results in maybe a cheap lunch and hanging at his apartment. This doesn’t really last long and it ends up resulting in a friends-with-benefits or casual relationship.
To avoid this, here are a few ideas of what you can do that are free or very cheap….
Go to the beach or lake- If you are lucky enough to live near a body of water, take advantage. It’s fun to spend the day enjoying the sun and relaxing.
Go on a hike- This isn’t for everyone, but it’s always nice to get fresh air.
Get a slice of pizza- Usually the slices are massive and you can get cheap beer with it.
Go to day festivals or a local fair- There will music, people watching, and a fun atmosphere.
Play hide and seek in a mall- It feels silly and brings out childlike energy and competition.
Play patio games- Some restaurants have corn hole or ring toss games.
See free or cheap entertainment- Some local theaters shows are around $10. Open mics can be free or a small fee.
Take advantage of happy hour or food specials- Going out on a Saturday will be crowded and you will be paying more. Restaurants and bars give out deals during the week.
Go to the dollar theater- Not every city has this, but you could go to a matinee and sneak in snacks.
Play a drinking game- Most drinking games are “getting to know you” games. For non-drinkers you can just play the games without drinking
Can you get serious with a guy with no money?….
There are types of people who can be very wealthy… yet cheap. He might be a penny-pincher and see no need to spend his paycheck on you. Not saying he has to buy you a diamond necklace or be your sugar daddy. For example, does he buy you cough medicine and soup when you are sick? He needs to show you he is a provider no matter what his budget is.
Don’t let him guilt you into treating him on the date….
Sure…there might be situations where you split something. However, he should never pressure you into paying for both of you on a date. It just shows he is taking advantage and isn’t trying to impress you. All dates should be within his budget instead of picking a fancy place where you are forced to go dutch. (Keep in mind this is date night! You could just stay home when money is tight). Another reason to never pay for both of you is that you will expect him to grovel at your feet. When he gives you a mild “thanks” you will resent it.
Keep living arrangements separate…..
Especially when there is a gap in your finances. There will always be a fight about who pays for what. The problem lies when men are making less. He will usually not be inclined to pitch in with keeping up with cleaning or grocery runs. Resentment will be at an all time high and you will slip into parenting mode, rather than partners.
If a man strikes it rich, he might feel the need to upgrade…..
This can happen with men who reach a level of fame or prestige. You have to keep in mind that you might be with him while he is poor, then suddenly he makes it big and leaves you. This isn’t always the case, but it can certainly happen. So, don’t think that you found a wounded bird to bring back to life. He will more than likely leave you behind, and you will feel dumb about trying to help him with his finances. Be with him in the present, not his potential.
Money always causes the most fights in a relationship. The important thing is seeing if he is wanting to be a provider, regardless of his paycheck. You can’t expect a guy on a limited budget to take you on a week-long vacation in Cancun. Sometimes, if there is too much of a gap in money, it does not work long term since one person is used to a certain lifestyle. In modern society, a woman still wants to feel taken care of even if she makes more money than him. Remember that liking a man for his potential is a bad idea. Sure, he might get that raise or win the lottery, you just can’t count on it. Plus he might want to upgrade and leave his past life behind, which includes you.