In dating, it’s best to not force your friends to be your wing women every weekend. Sometimes, the magic really happens when you look feminine and are peacefully sitting alone. This can be an intentional move to change up your social circle. Go to a nicer area of town, wear a bright feminine-color dress, sit at a bar, and see what unfolds.
Go where the wealth is…..
You aren’t going to find the hot finance guy at a dirty-dive bar. If you feel like you have taken the effort to level up and want to run into more eligible bachelors, then you have to go where they are. Keep in mind rich men are early risers and rarely are out partying until 2am. Grind culture means he is probably grabbing a sleek martini for happy hour.
Being alone in public isn’t that weird…..
No one cares that you are alone. You might think you stick out like a sore thumb, but trust me, no one is noticing. I mean, obviously, if you are being disruptive and hitting on everyone, then yes, people will take notice. Just be relaxed and enjoy yourself. Keep yourself open to people wanting to chat with you.
At a restaurant sit at the bar…..
Don’t make the hostess / host do the awkward, “so just you?” Just tell the hostess/ host that you want to sit at the bar. Be nice to the bartender and tip well.
Don’t bring a book…..
It’s fine to just scroll on your phone instead. It might make you look like you are about to meet up with someone. A book just implies you are in fact alone and do not want to talk to anyone.
Stop wearing drab colors…..
The first thing a person notices is clothing. Wearing brighter clothing will make you stand out since most people feel more comfortable in black or neutrals. This doesn’t have to mean neon green. It really is about more feminine colors. There are colors that work best for certain skin tones. You can take free quizzes online to figure out your coloring and even what jewelry works best. Fabrics come into play as well. A beautiful silk blouse with jeans makes way more of a statement then a ball gown. Try to give your blazers a rest for the evening. It comes across that you are still in business mode and you don’t want to chat. Flirting starts from just looking like you want to talk to someone. If you are slightly overdressed, it welcomes people to talk to you, in contrast to slouching over wearing gray workout clothes. Get your makeup done at the department store counter. Cosmetic departments usually give a free makeover for purchasing a certain amount, or if you are lucky, you have a friend who works there who needs practice.
Have a go-to story…..
The first thing a man will ask if he approaches you is, “are you all by yourself?” This can sort of stun you and force you to go into defense mode. Be prepared to tell a white lie such as, “Yeah, my friend was about to meet me here, but something came up.” You can also say, “ I heard this place has great (cocktails, French food, oysters) so I thought I would check it out. As long as the attitude is a matter-of-fact he can ease into the conversation and ask to join you. In a late night dance club situation the go-to lie is to say you can’t find your friends, or you are the first one who got here. (This situation is level-10 and meant for women who are advanced at being alone in public). Keep conversations brief and keep moving. A guy who is very interested will seek you out later and ask for your number.
Take baby steps and do a dry run…..
Before you get intimidated start small. Treat yourself to lunch and dress nicely. See if there is a difference just by doing a dry run. You can even do a longer pre-date. Show up an hour-plus earlier at a nearby bar or cafe and just feel comfortable by yourself. The more you do this, the more comfortable you will be on dates and meeting people organically.
Bottom Line……
The art of being by yourself is a hidden skill in dating. You will feel more comfortable on dates and not have that anxious energy if he leaves you alone to use the bathroom. Honestly, I have more fun being alone. You don’t have to cater to everyone else’s needs and you have control over whether you want to stay longer or leave. Men will more likely approach you if you are alone. He won’t feel the pressure from your friends laughing at him or making him feel uncomfortable. Plus, it shows you are open to possibilities. The important thing is not depending on others to have a good time. This is an opportunity to meet higher caliber men who don’t live in your neighborhood. It’s good practice to learn how to make a good first impression without even saying anything.
Mostly Casual 