“The Jam Experiment” is about the paradox of choice. It was an analogy of consumers having too many choices, therefore not making ANY choices. Picture a whole floor-to-ceiling shelf of jam. You would be so overwhelmed by the number of choices that you would be unable to pick one. Having only three or four variety of jams, you would be able to purchase one; the same works for dating. In the app-culture we live in now it’s overwhelming to pick one person to date, making us unable to commit. This is a case where you are ready to settle on one guy. If you want abundance, then the app-world will certainly give it to you. In the pursuit of wanting commitment there can be a lot of extra visual and mental clutter that needs a good spring cleaning….
Are the apps helpful or hurtful?…..
It is nice to cast a wider net and meet men you would normally never meet. Plus, it’s easier to date men from other religious and cultural and financial backgrounds. You no longer are stuck in your own social circle. However, it creates the illusion of endless choice and options. For the casual dater that is an advantage. It’s good to have the attitude of “onto the next.” If you are wanting something more serious, then obviously having too many options is a problem. It’s best to use apps less and go through friends or meeting men in person at events, etc.
How many apps are too many?…..
Having too many dating apps on your phone can get complicated. Try out the ones that you find the most helpful and that give you the most forward motion. It really depends on the area you live in. One app may have more options than others. It’s too hard to keep conversations going with six different apps.
Should you edit your matches?…..
Keeping matches organized can be a good idea, but not necessary. It might be a good idea to cut the fat, so to speak, and only keep around the matches that want to meet up. Eliminating visual clutter can make the apps less overwhelming and prevent dating burnout.
How many dates should you go on?……
Once a week should be your max. This way you still have time to focus on your friends and work. Dating is a numbers game to a certain extent, but that doesn’t have to mean going out with a new guy every night.
Should you vet the guy more before meeting in person?…..
Yes. It’s not worth agreeing to go out with a guy that you know won’t work out. You need to keep some deal breakers in mind ( he just got out of a breakup, lives far away, is only looking for casual when you want something serious, etc). This will prevent you from having a pointless date.
Quality over quantity……
Make an effort to meet men off the apps. The best is through friends or extracurricular activities. Join an improv group or a soccer league. You might be surprised who you connect with. It will be a slower process, but it’s worth it to meet better men. Write down a list of green flags you are looking for. Challenge yourself to think in terms of his morals and lifestyle, not just physical appearance.
Too many choices result in zero choices. We are all susceptible to analysis paralysis. Going on endless dates can cause dating burnout where you are just in an endless first-date loop. For “law of attraction” purposes it might be a good idea to write down the qualities you want out of a guy. This way it’s in your brain and you will be able to recognize it when it’s in front of you. Keep only one to two apps on your phone. This cuts down the clutter and flurry of pointless messages. Only continue to talk to men who want to meet you. Make a point to network with more people in public. We live in a time where face-to-face communication is discouraged. Learn how to be social again and stop staring at your phone the whole time you are out.