Abandoned For The New Man

Nothing feels better when you and your BFF are single at the same time. You stay out longer at the bars, commiserate over f*ckboys, and have the most heart-to-hearts. Then all of a sudden….she gets into a relationship. Texts are ignored, hangouts are postponed until further notice. How can you navigate when your bestie gets a new man?……

Stop the narrative that The Singles are jealous…..

We singles aren’t mad that you are in a relationship; we just want to see you. Are some single friends jealous?….could be, but that’s not all that is going on.

As the friend you feel crazy…..

You probably asked her to hang out countless times. The response is usually, “Well, I will have to see what Brad is up to, but maybe.” You aren’t sure if you should keep asking or drop it completely.

Understand what’s really happening……

The honeymoon fog takes over for the first month or so. She no longer needs three people for the work of one. She has a new therapist, lover, and friend all wrapped into one. After a certain point, stop asking just to be turned down.

You might be a bad influence…..

Pick up what she is putting down. She could have sworn off her single days and wants to wipe her old life away. You could be seen as a “bad influence” and take the blame for her bad behavior

What should you do?…..

Understand that the phase might pass, but be prepared if it doesn’t. Build up 2nd and 3rd tier friends now. Go to social events, parties, and mingle. When you have an army of acquaintances you will feel more in control. Seek out single friends who want to go out and be social.

What you should not do…..

The juvenile way of thinking is to sabotage her relationship so she becomes single again. Your opinions about her new boyfriend mean very little in her decision making. In fact, it will cause her to distance from you more. (Obviously, if he is an ex-con or an abuser speak up). Your only option is to hang in there and hope she wants to hang down the road.

Bottom Line…..

It hurts the most when you are the one left in the dust. Friendships are at their peak ripeness when you are both single, annoyed at men, and want to party. Just because she got swept away doesn’t mean you can’t seek out other single friends. I understand she is your BFF, but you need to leave space for her to grow. You can’t expect your relationship to stay the same forever. Your friends may move, get into relationships, or start a new demanding job. Friendships should be ever evolving with you always needing to be ready to add new friends to the rotation.