You might have this guy in your life who is in a trail period. Maybe things are too early to have “the talk.” So, you continue to go on dates and keep swiping. When you are out there dating, it’s hard to know where your feelings are at. How do you know you are leaning towards wanting exclusivity?…..
1. You feel weird when things could lead to hooking up with other men…..
It might feel like you are about to cheat, even when you aren’t a couple yet. You even feel weird talking and swiping on the apps, ignoring messages and brushing people off. When you do accept dates, it’s just coffee during the day that leads to nowhere.
2. You just want to see him…..
Hooking up is a bonus, not the main priority. He makes you feel relaxed and you lose track of time. There are inside jokes and your own language.
3. You get excited when he texts…..
Your heart and stomach do a flip. This is a good thing to recognize because it’s your gut reaction. On the opposite spectrum, you seeing his number and immediately rolling your eyes…something to take note of.
4. You can be sober around him…..
There is no need to pre-game or “get in the zone” when you see him. Showing up is the relaxing part and you can enjoy your time sober.
5. You feel embarrassed when he does something weird in front of people…..
This is an unusual sign and might not come up. In rare cases, he might do something cringe-worthy in front of people. (Failed joke, free style rap, slip on a banana peel). When it’s a guy you like, you feel he is representing you.
6. You want to tell your friends about him and use his actual name…..
He isn’t a nickname like, “the red car guy.” You use his given name to talk about him with your friends. I know when I don’t see a future with a guy, I call him a nickname. Friends will view him as a joke as well.
7. You do mundane things together and it’s a blast…..
When Carrie was at the beginning stages of dating Berger in “Sex and the City” she described a simple outing as an “erotic errand.” Grocery shopping or getting a car washed is an adventure.
8. You feel anxious finding out he went on a date…..
He is allowed to see other people, so are you. However, these is a sting of betrayal when he slips that he went on another date. Your feelings of jealousy says a lot. It’s not a mark of maturity to not feel threatened that you could be replaced.
Bottom Line…..
In the early stages of dating it’s hard to know what you want. It could be very early in the courting process. Your instincts and gut reactions are something to pay attention to. When you do go on dates with other men, how are you feeling? Are you tempted to cut the date short to see him? Now is a good time to put a pin in your feelings without having “the talk” yet. Let things play out in the first few weeks to a month and try to let him take the lead. However, the first step is acknowledging your feelings for him, which can help you make decisions down the road.
Mostly Casual 