Fights In A Relationship

A big milestone in early exclusivity is the first fight. It’s a time you really need to perk your ears up and see how it was handled. Every healthy fight should keep voices low and a resolution at the end. There shouldn’t be cheap shots and bringing up old fights that were already resolved. This is the time to communicate emotions and not facts. (Most men are very literal and will correct you for hours). How should you handle fights in a relationship, and how can you prevent them?……

Bring it up the first time…..

Normally, I would say wait until it happens three times, then bring it up. It’s too late by then and creates a hostile environment, like you were holding onto resentment for a month. Call it out as soon as it happens, or at least within the same time frame. This way you get it out in the open and you are holding firm to a boundary.

Only tell a therapist your relationship issues…..

When you bring friends, family, and co-workers into your inner relationship they will always be judgemental. You have set them up for that role to judge a one-sided dynamic. Plus, they rarely hear the good stuff and are overloaded with all the fights and nitty-gritty. It is fun to gossip and have someone take your side, but if you want your relationship to last, you don’t need doubts in your head. However, in case of abuse of any kind tell everyone and get out safely.

Give yourself breathing room….

It feels natural to be on top of each other 24/7. Make a point early on to maintain a sort of schedule and pace things out. It’s exciting to finally have him commit, but smothering will result in resentment.

Make a point to spend quality time…..

When you do hang out, put away your phone; maybe don’t sleep over every time. Try to have a loose plan of what you are doing. It’s fun to hang out until he gets bored and starts playing “Call of Duty”.

Nourish your friendships…..

Don’t keep canceling on your friends. The swept-away early stages are fun, but you are hurting your friendships. Hang out with them without your boyfriend and try to not make it all about your relationship.

Don’t reward bad behavior…..

You aren’t the bigger person by being the peacemaker all the time. There are serious consequences to certain actions. When you apologize for him and kiss and make up he will continue to treat you poorly. You aren’t being petty to put up boundaries for out-of-line behavior.

Bottom Line……

Fights will happen in a relationship and on the plus side can prove someone cares in certain instances. However, fighting all the time, name calling, and emotional abuse (or any abuse) are a deal breaker. Prevent fights by not rushing and pacing out the relationship. Give each other space and follow a schedule: give him something to look forward to. Use your best judgement on who to tell about fights. Keep in mind friends probably only hear about the bad times, not the good. Your judgment can be clouded by opinions of only knowing the bad, when in reality it could be a healthy relationship with a few spats here and there. Overall, see how the first fight was handled. This is how he solves conflict and how much respect he has for you. Don’t ignore it.