After a breakup it’s very common for him to offer friendship so his routine is not disrupted. He may want a smooth transition into the next girl. Men are less comfortable being truly single. However, there are cases where he wants to be friends for real. How can you decide what his true motives are, and should you consider being his friend?….
Time heals all wounds?…..
When you go though a big breakup, give yourself a year of no contact. I know that sounds extreme, but you need to figure out how to live your new life. Ask yourself why you still want him in your life besides getting back together. The year of no contact can give you perspective on if he actually makes your world richer or not.
The two good things about becoming friends…..
- You don’t have to play games anymore- It’s sort of liberating to be able to text when you feel like it and not play hot and cold
2. It will feel good to take him off a pedestal- You will find a better fit for you
Are you cool with him having a new girlfriend?…..
Really think about this….You can’t have one conversation without him bringing her up. He might even treat her better than he treated you! This can be a huge slap in the face. You will watch him become a doting boyfriend who cherishes her when he sort of treated you as an afterthought. Even if you only see this play out on social media, it can be heart wrenching. When it’s rubbed in your face every time you hang out, it can be unbearable.
Do you have an active dating life?….
You can’t be friends with your ex if you aren’t actively dating and talking to new men. If you are lonely and feeling vulnerable, you will want to get back together. You figure you deserve to be with him since you stuck it out with him.
Are you trying to get revenge?…..
You should never have a revenge friendship. It’s not worth your time to make him jealous. He will be oblivious that you are doing revenge when you are being nice and spending time with him. He won’t register that as you being cruel and taunting him with what he could have had. He just views everything at face value. So stop trying to kill him with kindness or bring dates around him
Does he actually want to be friends or is he being selfish?…..
Some men like to keep women around as back ups. This type of guy is really confusing because he might swear he wants you in his life. Sometimes he is just using you so he doesn’t have to meet new women. Friends with benefits is not friends, and being friendly if you run into each other is not friends. Usually by friends he means he does not want drama or animosity if you end up in the same room
Were you originally friends?…..
This can change things. Starting out as good friends, then trying to date, and then going back to friends can work. Some male and female friendships can get a lot of outside pressure to date. It could have been an experiment gone wrong.
Bottom Line….
Being friends with an ex usually doesn’t pan out in your favor. You can’t have secret motives to win him back. Most men don’t value opposite sex relationships as much as women do. He might be a flaky second-tier friend rather than your bestie. Put focus on dating new men and have an active dating life. He could be asking you for dating advice or have a girlfriend. Do not become his friend just so he feels better about dumping you. He needs to feel the repercussions of his actions, not you just brushing it off and being the cool girl. Have standards, boundaries, and let him feel your absence.
Mostly Casual 