I have spoken before about being single over the holidays, but what if you just became official? If you happened to start dating in October or November and the holidays are approaching, is it a good plan to meet family or attend a Friendsgiving? How soon is too soon to start acting like a real exclusive couple?……
Are you actually for real together?…..
You don’t always have to have a “define the relationship” summit. Yet, certain guys take advantage of vagueness and like to bamboozle you when pressed about the status of the relationship. Hopefully, he brought up the talk, or had a clarifying conversation. Assumptions don’t really fly in our casual dating landscape. If you are confused, it’s better to know than play it cool. Take him at his word. If he says he just wants a casual thing over the holidays, then that’s what he wants.
Follow the leader…..
Has he brought up the holidays? In all likelihood he might not have told his family about you just yet. Give him a chance to bring up what his plans are. Assume he is not going to include you this year and will probably be out of town. Remind yourself that you just started dating and you need to slow it down. Calmly talk about separate plans without clenching your jaw.
Make your own solo plans…..
If you always fly to Chicago to see your folks, then book that flight. Keep things pretty standard without the fuss of worrying about another person. It’s too soon to have family meet him. He needs to earn a spot at the dining table with your family.
He still has responsibilities….
He isn’t off the hook just because family is not involved. On Thanksgiving, he should be calling you and saying he misses you. Christmas he will be getting you gifts and spending quality time with you.
Should you invite him to Friendsgiving?…..
If your Thanksgiving is just doing a casual potluck with close friends, then invite him. Feel out the vibe and ask what his holiday plans are first. He could be stranded, away from his own family, and would love to come. However, if he hesitates when you invite him, he probably is not ready to meet all your friends just yet. Take note of his nervousness around integrating your lives together. The role of the boyfriend is to meet friends, family, and go to events he would normally not attend if it wasn’t because of you. However, it’s understandable to not want to dive headfirst if you just started dating a day before Thanksgiving.
Don’t get frustrated just yet….
It’s exciting to have a new boyfriend, especially if you have been single for a long time. But…. you need to pump the brakes on involving everyone in your life in your budding relationship. You would not be doing this if you started dating in April. The pressure of the holidays and people questioning why he didn’t join you can poke holes in your relationship. It’s best to keep quiet for a few months and let the progression build at its own pace. It does get annoying when you have a boyfriend and yet you need to spend another holiday as if you were single. Trust that being patient is a better route long-term.
Bottom Line…..
Holiday stress is real. We all want to represent ourselves as having it all together and keeping up with everyone around us. Rushing can backfire and cause unnecessary stress on a new relationship. However, pay attention to his attitude and vibe about integrating your lives eventually. If he is horrified at the thought at ever meeting your friends and family, he views it as a casual situationship. Let him off the hook if you literally started dating two weeks before Thanksgiving. A new relationship needs to get its feet wet first before diving in.
Mostly Casual 