The dumper gets a bad rap. You will get zero sympathy from anyone if you tell them you ended things. No “he sucks” bar crawl and a wine and ice cream night from your girlfriends. You unfortunately might get a mild, “oh wow, so sorry” text. However, you are probably pretty bummed, too, and it wasn’t an easy decision to make. (I am speaking of a non-toxic relationship where he wasn’t abusive. If this is the case, take necessary help and get out safely)….How do you break up with someone with class and what are the pre-steps to a break up?….
Think of the reasons you want to break up…..
Women are the pros and cons queens. She has spoken to her best friend, consulted the therapist, and has even gone to a psychic. So, this is probably a given for most women, but really think of the real reasons you want out. Is it because your morals and values don’t line up? Do you not share the same vision of the future? Is he giving you too many red flags? Sometimes, it’s best to have a long discussion before you pull the trigger. He might be withholding info or he is giving you the wrong impression. Either way, have a long conversation and bring up what has been bothering you.
Are you wanting out because of fear?…..
Some people panic after the honeymoon phase is over. It’s when things start to level out and you spend more time watching Netflix than elaborate dates. Three to six months is the first check-in for people typically. Although if you tend to only have three-month relationships, it’s something to examine. It could be unfamiliar to you to have a long-term relationship and you are spiraling. Your impulse might be to run and cut it off.
Take some time apart….
You don’t have to take an official break, but pull back a little. If you have been seeing each other everyday and spend every night together, you might need breathing room. This is why it’s a smarter idea to pace it from the beginning. Start slow, then build. It’s easy to get swept away in the moment and be excited that you finally found someone to commit. If this is happening, recalibrate yourself and put things back into perspective. Spend more time with friends, work, hobbies. Put your life back together and have him be a piece, not the whole pie.
Talk about the relationship and plans for the future….
Most women fear bringing up the future, especially if he has not brought anything up. Really get a feel of how serious it is going. Yes, wait it out a bit, but after a certain time clarify how he views the relationship. He might view it as casually hanging out, when you thought it was leading to marriage. It’s better to break up a year later, rather than being dragged along for four plus.
The compliment sandwich….
If you have discussed, gotten info, and seen that he refuses to change, then it’s time to end things. Do so with the “compliment sandwich.” Start with a compliment, state the issue, then end with a compliment. See how he reacts and if he is willing to fix it or let the relationship go. When a woman is in the process of breaking up, usually she wants room for him to fix it. When a man is breaking up, it is usually a final decision. See where he is at. He might have also thought about ending it, or is totally blindsided and wants to fight for the relationship.
Give him space….
Don’t do the whole, “let’s stay friends!” Give him space and allow him and you to get over it. Don’t let him keep texting you everyday and stay in your life. Tell him that you will be blocking him on the phone and through social media for at least three months to give each other time to heal. Do not play with his emotions by sending him “miss you” texts late at night. Be very decisive and not wishy-washy with his emotions. You will feel dumpers remorse, so be firm with blocking or deleting his number.
You know what’s best for you….
After dumping someone, the question of why you rejected someone who cared for you will come up. The older you get the harder it is to justify a breakup. Most people view a relationship that didn’t lead to marriage as a failure. You will feel an empty void and a disruption to your routine. Make sure to get busy and pick up more hobbies, get back into your friend circle, focus on getting a promotion. If you haven’t already seen a therapist, do so. It was a heartbreaking decision to end something. In therapy, you might discover traditional relationships do not work for you, or you need more time to get to more healthy mindset. Either way, find out what you need going forward.
Breakups are hard for both people. The dumper usually does not get the support from others since it was her decision to end things. It’s never an easy call to make. Before you get into a hasty breakup, remember to open up communication and get to the bottom of issues. Examine if you are acting out of fear or projecting. Give yourself and him breathing room while slowing down the pace. Most problems can be fixed by getting on the same page and getting clarification. If there is no saving it, then cleanly end it with no late night “miss you” texts. Rebuild your new life and grow to be better for the next relationship or to discover if traditional relationships are the best fit for you.