Good friends stand the test of time and let us be our complete selves. Since we are so close to our friends we love talking about our dating lives. Being the only single one in a group of coupled up girls makes you feel like the hired entertainment. They love hearing about the apps and the f*ckboys….but how much of their opinions should we take to heart?…..
First off…have they experienced the apps?….
It’s hard for coupled-up folks who met their partner ten years ago to chime in about modern dating. They may have some good insights on certain things, but overall they haven’t been in the trenches.
Keep complaining to a minimum….
If you are crying to them every time you have a bad date, they will be thinking of ways to cut you out of the friend group. Spare your friend group the nitty-gritty of dating unless the story is entertaining. If you have a major issue, tell a therapist or a very close single girlfriend. It’s tempting to snowball into asking advice for literally everything. You ask for outfit advice, then what to say on the date, then ask why he didn’t text back. Some friends live for talking about boys. However, as you get older most of your friends are coupled up, have kids, and demanding jobs. Keep dating to yourself; casual dating is a lonely road.
If you are in an exclusive relationship, keep fights private…..
Stop telling every detail of your relationship to your BFF. Sometimes, things need to be just between you and your boyfriend. Spreading around your private business does not help build trust. If you need an outside option, pick wisely who to tell. Most of the “advice” is to dump him. More than likely your friend just doesn’t like your boyfriend’s personality and wants you to meet someone else.
Speaking of the “dump him” advice…..
Try to make sure you are not doing that to your girlfriends. You are not allowed to tell a girlfriend to dump her boyfriend just because he wears cargo shorts all year. Unless he is beating her, mentally abusing her, or stealing, then keep your mouth shut.
Remember to spend solo times with friends….
Just because you become a “we” doesn’t mean he should be at every brunch and girl’s night. Trust me, no one likes your boyfriend that much (sorry). Yes, your friends should meet him if you become exclusive, but save it for a special event or very sparingly. Same thing with you becoming buddies with his friends. He probably doesn’t appreciate you at every college football game at his friends house.
Pace yourself from friends introductions….
If you are still in the first few months, wait until he introduces you to his friends first. When you finally introduce him try not to immediately say, “so… what do you think?” It puts your friends in a judgmental mode for your entire relationship. Same thing for only talking about your boyfriend when you had a fight. You are only showing your friends the worst side of him and that’s all they know.
Pick your friends over a date…..
If you have plans with friends then a guy swoops in and asks you out, always pick friends. I know you want to go on a date, but your friends will be pissed that you threw girl’s night out the window for a random guy. It comes across desperate to your friends and the guy. It’s sexier to be busy, have plans, and a community of friends. On top of that, he would never do that for you. He probably has the mantra… “weekends are for the boys!”
It is hard to weave our friendships and our dating life together. There needs to be more separation between dating and friendship. If you are in a casual phase, keep it under wraps. Pick and choose who is your boy-talk girls and who isn’t. Even still, don’t bombard them with all your dating woes. Cherish your friendships, as Charlotte from “Sex And The City” says to the girls, “Maybe we should be each other’s soulmates.” Why are friends just for fun, maybe it should be the other way around.