Coming across a jaded dude on the apps is pretty common. He might have just gotten divorced or has been burned too many times. Usually, there are no sweet nothings and flowery language. Just blunt and to the point. He might question your competence and your life decisions. This situation hopefully will only be a first date you took a chance on. (It might even happen in an intense interview). How do you get though a date where the guy is grilling you?…..
Remain calm no matter what….
I have had dates where the guy loved to neg and question my life choices. A 9-5er will scoff at a non-traditional career path and schedule. However, some men actually want to bully for their amusement. It’s important to not take the bait.
Don’t answer questions right away…..
Take a few moments to think of an answer. Don’t just fumble into an anxious defense. Take a moment, sip your drink, and smile. He might feel awkward and ashamed he asked the question in the first place.
Change the subject…..
Deflection is your friend. You can always change the subject or interrupt the question with you saying you need to use the restroom or get another drink. Most questions have an expiration date and can be disrupted. Everyone has a short attention span and wants to move on.
Shift the questions on him….
A lot of politicians answer a question with a question. It’s a tactic that puts the asker on the spot.
Ask him to repeat the questions…..
He might be embarrassed he asked a question and might retreat when confronted to repeat it.
Kill him with humor…..
A good comeback is calm and hilarious. There are no swear words or low blows. A lot of comedians who handle hecklers on a nightly basis have the quick comeback down. The best part is the restraint to not show you are offended and to keep it light and smart. Not everyone can pull this off, but it’s an amazing skill to do a “mic drop” moment if necessary.
Your emotions will show up in your eyes. You might frown or have terror written all over your face. Consciously try to not move your brows or narrow your eyes.
Look around the room and mentally count how many objects are on a table. Get yourself centered back in the room and regroup. You heart might be racing and your blood pressure is going up. Inhale and exhale to get your pulse back down.
Give him the benefit of the doubt…..
You can’t know the full intent based on one question. You could be projecting your insecurities and hearing a reasonable questions as an attack. Assume, at least at first, that he is kidding or lightly roasting. Some guys just have a sarcastic tone and it is hard to tell if he is purposely tearing you down.
Don’t stay long…..
The longer you feel disrespected the more he learns you are perfectly fine with it. If it’s truly uncomfortable and you feel he is pushing you over the limit, then leave. You don’t have to make a scene, just politely say you need to go.
Uncomfortable dates or even interviews for jobs will happen. You truly don’t know what kind of mood a person will be in. Obviously, you can leave immediately and not put up with any disrespect. However, this could be good practice around difficult people ( family, co-workers, bosses). It’s good to know you can stand your ground and not be rattled by any little question. The main thing is to not come across as affected. Most bullies need an active audience. Pick up on the vibes before the date is set up. Is he already coming in hot with judgmental questions? If so, then spare yourself a messy meet-up and just decline or unmatch.