If you are like me, you would rather be a kind soul until the bitter end. Even if it results in your foot being run over by a car because you thought it was rude to bring attention to it. To me this manifests the most in dating. As women, we are taught that the worst thing we can do to a man is lead him on and reject him. Rejection has made unstable guys shoot up a movie theater or start a podcast. However, saying yes to literally everything has consequences. The second you agree you are now locked in and it’s even harder to say no to other things men want. Believe it or not, people actually like as many things in black and white as possible. I would much rather hear a soft “no” then a wishy-washy “maybe.” But how do we actually say no to keep both parties happy?…..
Mind your manners….
There is no reason to not be polite. This is the key to wiggle out of any plans. The nicer you are, the less he can argue. (It is a huge sign a person is not into you if he goes into costumer-service mode). He cannot say you are a bitch, or heartless. Say things like, “thank you so much for asking, but I am going to pass,” “thanks for thinking of me, but no thank you,” “that’s sweet of you, but I don’t feel the spark.”
He will think you are playing hard to get….
If you have been clear and polite and have conveyed the message, your work is done. He will try to rope you in and convince you. Don’t fall for it. Also, do not fall for him acting sad and trying to manipulate you. Stop answering after you have made your statement and block him if he persists.
You don’t have to make up a boyfriend….but….
Sometimes, the boyfriend card is your last card to play. Men will only leave you alone if he believes there is another man in the picture. I know this sucks, but he is more loyal to the bro code rather than you feeling violated.
Don’t let him have access to everything….
Creep guys like multiple ways to contact you. It’s a red flag if he asks for every social media you have. He hopes you will forget to block him on every platform.
Don’t let anyone say you are rude for turning down a guy….
“Rejecting a date with a man! How could you!?”….anyone who thinks you are dramatic for turning down a date lives in scarcity and is projecting their own fears on you.
Your intuition matters…..
As a woman, your gift is intuition. It’s a gut reaction that will let you know something is off. Even the tiny things, like you don’t like how he walks or speaks. Your first impression feelings are almost always right. Trust your own feelings when he texts or when you spend time with him. Are you excited to see him or do you hesitate? Also…sometimes “butterflies” and feeling really nervous is actually your intuition warning you.
When rejecting a man, it should be quick, clear, and polite. The longer you draw it out, the more he will guilt you. This can apply with family or friends. When you say right away that you won’t be making it…weirdly, they are less angry. Saying maybe is actually more rude than actually giving them a heads up pronto. If you have concisely said your message, there is no negotiation…that’s your answer. Be clear, be polite, and block if necessary.