Flirting is usually discouraged and not taught anymore. Women feel they need to be 100% clear and direct in communicating their wants and needs. This is wonderful if you are feeling unsafe. However, you don’t always need to be black-and-white when it comes to building attraction with a man…..
What is flirting?…..
Flirting is an evolutionary technique to win over a mate. Flirting crosses the barrier from friend to love interest. It’s a push-pull of communicating interest, but not taking it over the edge. Less is more; it’s a slow burn.
First impressions…..
It’s super-rare these days to actually meet a stranger in public and hit if off. But…when it does happen, it bonds you stronger than any app-date will. If you are great meeting guys in public, you have a better shot at a relationship rather than being a late-night hook-up girl he can dispose of. On top of that, being great in social settings will invite new friends and a stronger network of people in your life.
What are some techniques?….
Eye contact- it’s always portrayed in the movies. He sees her from across the room and has to approach her. It’s good to use this sparingly and see if it’s done back to you. Just don’t stare without blinking. It’s a delicate dance.
Body language- Mirroring is when you are copying his body language. Putting your hips toward him and keeping you body open (no crossed arms) is a good start. Keep your body language feminine, sit up straight, hold your glass elegantly.
Smile- I know women hate being told to smile. I do. A natural smile can be really surprising and beautiful if genuine.
Be witty- This can be difficult if it doesn’t come naturally. Mainly, it’s good to keep a conversation light and fun. You don’t have to do a full-on stand-up routine, but if the vibe is right, you can joke a bit. If this is foreign to you then steer clear; stick to positive energy.
Keep it light and breezy- No complaining about your hectic day at work, or that the drinks are really gross. Positivity will move you forward; negativity will put up a wall.
What are some flirting fails?….
Do not approach him! It’s never worth it long-term even if you get a positive response. (However…. if you are visiting a city or if you truly want casual, then go for it!) This is a big no-no in “The Rules.” I have experienced firsthand that he will eventually dump you for someone else or it will never get off the ground.
If he is with another girl, abandon the mission- This is why flirting in person is difficult. You have no idea if he is married, gay, on the rebound, etc. Another case for not approaching. If you see him with another woman, let it go and see if there are other guys around.
Doing laps- Laps are great for swimming, but not social settings. Do not patrol the area looking for men. Stay put. You can switch locations after a while.
Don’t linger- Just because he came up to chat doesn’t mean you need to hold him hostage for the night. It’s best to be brief and have him seek you out later. Give it ten minutes of chatting at the most, then say you should “get some air,” “make the rounds,” “find your friend.” See if he tries to find you later and asks for your number.
Flirting is feminine….
It’s good to flirt because it taps into your feminine energy. Think girly, not sexual siren. There should be an innocent, yet playful vibe. Sometimes looking girly is enough, wear soft colors and glowing makeup.
Have stock questions and get good at improv….
You should have an internal script when you meet new people. Small talk is mainly planned-out questions that don’t get too personal. Instead of talking about the weather, think about stock questions that will lead into conversations. Try to ask leading questions that won’t give yes-or-no answers. Pepper in charm, be a little silly, compliment, and joke around.
Beware of the open bar….
If you are a socially anxious person, you want some liquid courage. Limit yourself to two drinks and space them out. No one wants to talk to a sloppy person and it goes back to your first impression. Keep it classy and low key.
Bottom Line…..
Flirting is an art that most women have pulled way back from. Everything is very serious and direct. Men are discouraged to approach women and stick to the apps. However, meeting someone in person makes a lasting impression in a good way or bad way depending on how you play it. Flirting can just be looking feminine. The way you dress, wear your hair, your perfume. Think softer colors with no wild patterns. When speaking, less is more, you don’t have to go over the top with compliments. Stick to a small talk script and keep things positive. Stay away from the open bar and be aware that eyes are on you. If you make the right impression, then you will be remembered for future social settings and better dates.
Mostly Casual 