The Plus-One

Spring and summer are the start of the wedding season. As more people are now vaccinated, weddings that were put off will finally happen. You might have received a new “save the date.” If you still have your quarantine bae or just started seeing a guy, proceed with caution before you add him to the plus-one list. Realistically, you probably won’t get to bring anyone extra. However, things will get back to normal eventually. “The Rules” say to never invite him to an event unless he has done so first. You assume that the relationship is more serious than it actually is. Just like saying “I love you,” it’s best to wait it out….

Don’t listen to your friends and family…..

Your mom is thrilled you have a boyfriend. Your friends want to judge him….both of these situations are not in your best interest. It affects them in no way if you bring him or not. Yet you might get dumped for rushing things.

You might have to foot the bill…..

When a guy is not invested, he will gladly take the free vacation. He will probably encourage you to pay for the weekend because he is the guest.

Remember how Big acted in Sex and the City?….

In the show, Carrie invites Big to a wedding. He acted totally bored and took a call during her poem. He couldn’t wait to leave. If you decide to do this, your guy might act like a child and whine until he can leave. It will be humiliating for him to represent you in front of family and friends.

People will ask you about the relationship…..

People will assume you are a long-term couple. They might ask how long you have been together. He might answer with, “we are just hanging out,” when you thought you were an official couple.

If he expected to be invited, then that’s great…..

Even if you get a plus-one, don’t invite him. If he feels offended that you did not invite him, then that’s a good sign. Still wait to be invited to one of his events first.

Are you actually a couple?….

It’s hard to know if you are official or not. You might act like his girlfriend, yet he sees you as a casual placeholder. Here are some signs he is taking it seriously.

He speaks in “we”- when we go on vacation, when we move in, when we meet my family

He posts you on Instagram without you asking – You birthday has a pic of you two and a sweet caption, you are in his grid, not just a fleeting story

He insists you meet his friends and family – He will introduce you to the people in his life without resistance. The more people know you are a couple, the better.

He actually asks you to be his girlfriend – He doesn’t want a murky vague relationship with you. He also does not want you to be going on dates with other guys and lose you.

He invites you as his plus-one- You have been to a work function, his niece’s baptism, or any formal event where you had to wear a cocktail dress

Signs he will be a good plus-one…..

You might have gone to low-pressure events and noticed his actions. These type of events will give you a clue of how he will act at a formal event. If he is a hot mess at informal events, then he will not be a good plus-one

He can mingle- He doesn’t cling to you all night and whine about leaving

He knows how to have fun- he isn’t shy about hitting the dance floor and wants everyone else to have a good time

He doesn’t treat the open bar as a challenge- just because it’s free doesn’t mean he “needs to get his money’s worth”

He has manners- He doesn’t do an Irish goodbye; he makes sure to say hello and goodbye to people

He understands what dress codes mean- An invitation to a summer cocktail party? No problem, he has the blazer and nice shirt. He won’t show up in cargo shorts to a formal wedding

Bottom Line…..

Inviting him to an event is going public with your relationship. If you are not official in his eyes, it won’t go over well. When an event pops up and you need a plus-one, bring a friend or no one. You really need to wait this out; it upsets the power balance. Your friends might ask too many questions and make him feel he is in the hot seat. This is sort of why you need to keep the relationship under wraps for the first month or two. On the bright side, if he gets offended he didn’t get invited, then you are on the right track.