The Flirting Hour: Practicing Boundaries With Communication

There is a ton of misunderstanding about “playing hard to get.” Most people have the hardest time with this, saying it’s game playing. Honestly, you need to steer the ship because a guy will message you all day long if you let him, resulting in him getting bored and moving on. It’s crucial to control when to speak to men and to not let them monopolize your day…..

What is the flirting hour?…..

Pick a time when you are free and relaxed. It could be the afternoon, or in the evening while watching TV. Carve out that time and do not answer messages until then. It will make the conversation more lively and engaged instead of being distracted and with him constantly asking “WYD?”

Practice saying “TTYL”…..

It’s so hard to actually say this especially since we are surgically attached to our phones. However, it is important to actually say you are busy, even if it means you are taking a walk. It puts up boundaries that you aren’t available 24/7 to chat. Turn your phone on silent around bedtime. The witching hour will bring out guys sending “U up” texts.

Why is this important?….

The more you chat the less likely he will ask you out. He will be getting his emotional needs met and will feel no urgency to see you. This is when the pen pal situation happens.

You might lose interest….

A good match might be discarded because you talked him to death. There is such a thing as over-communicating in the early stages.

Turn off notifications in Tinder and Snapchat….

If you are constantly getting banner alerts on your phone, it’s impossible not to check. Turn off notifications and check at your convenience. Yes, you will get more messages at once, but that’s okay. You can tell your friends to text you instead of Snapchat. Men get pissed off if you open and ignore. Just wait until you are ready to have a conversation.

Some men are going to bail or get mad at you….

Having communication boundaries will make some men angry. The Snapchat boys will unfriend you or at worst huff and puff. I recently had a random guy quick add me on Snapchat from another country. I tried to keep up communication as politely as I could. Keep in mind he basically “cold called” me and expected me to swoon. His final message before unfriending me was saying I was selfish and he was not surprised I was alone….The needy casual guys are not willing to wait or chase you; they want it now or not at all.

Respond time when a crush texts you….

Ok…This is a controversial rule in the book, “The Rules.” The book says to wait a certain amount of time to respond to a first text, depending on your age. The oldest age range should wait four hours! I agree and disagree with this. I do think we give guys too much reassurance when we respond a minute later. Women think the longer you wait to respond the better. This is not true; responding days later kills the dating momentum and can backfire. If you wait an hour or so he might have an internal panic attack and that’s what you want. Guys have done this to me and I have gone though the five stages of grief until he responded an hour later. It’s a tactic that does work. So, try to wait until your TV show episode is over, or you finished eating dinner.

Get in the zone….

This is why you need to pick a time where you are relaxed. Sending messages throughout the workday will result in you complaining and telling him about office gossip he does not care about. Peel back the layer and get into a flirting energy. Your conversations will click better and result in more dates.

Bottom Line…..

Technology is great for connecting, yet we don’t realize how much of our free time we are giving up. It’s important to have time for yourself that does not involve entertaining other people. Even with friends and bosses it’s a good idea to put up boundaries or they will feel entitled to chat morning, noon, and night. Actually saying “TTYL” is a good start to let a person know you have boundaries. It does not mean you are finding a cure for cancer–you just feel like unplugging. Turn off notifications on Tinder and Snapchat and don’t open messages until you are ready. If you carve out a “flirting hour,” then you will be in a good zone to flirt which will result in more dates.