A good storyteller paints a picture and draws an audience in. If you watch any stand-up comedian, a good story has vivid details, twists and turns, and even a “call back,” meaning bringing up a point you made earlier to tie into the payoff of the story. How we communicate though the apps or on a date is crucial. People can come across as very boring by just stating facts. In masculine-energy mode, communication is direct and to the point. With flirting, you want to take a guy on an adventure with your words. It’s hard for most women to be in her body and in the present moment. Most of our stories are timelines (where we went to school; on this date we got divorced; yesterday we ate a turkey sub). But how did the turkey sub make you feel? I kid, but that’s the idea–it’s more about speaking with emotions and not logic. Most of the time we have to unlearn speaking in our masculine mode. Probably along the way, you had a boss or boyfriend who couldn’t stand your emotions or wanted you to “speak logically.” What can we do to untangle our thinking towards speaking in our feminine energy?
Speaking in stories on dates is important. The Charisma Quotient podcast titled, “Reasons you’re not progressing in love,” Kimmy explains to a client the importance of storytelling. Once the workday is done, it’s time to switch to thinking “in feeling.” For example, a match or date asks,”have you traveled abroad?” Instead of, “Yeah, I visited Ireland back in 2017. It was a work trip,” say instead, “Omg! I went to Ireland a few years back. I have never seen a greener country! The water was crystal clear and the grass was an emerald green. It was breathtaking!” Saying it this way opens up more questions on his end.
Positivity opens doors; negativity closes them…..
Misery loves company, yet it can slam a door shut for future communication. Sure you can bond over stuff you hate, but you have to bring positivity and be funny, too. No one really likes a snarky person as a love interest. It will put you in the friend zone or the casual zone. A dream partner is uplifting, fun to be around, and has almost a childlike view of the world.
How long should a story be…..
A story can be a sentence. Just because it’s a story doesn’t mean it has to be an hourlong tale. When you are answering questions it should open up new topics that you are sharing. It can even smoothly transition him into asking you on a date. It’s easier to go from you gushing about tacos and him suggesting he take you to his favorite food truck.
Stories should stay in the positive past…..
If it’s a story about your past, again keep it positive. This isn’t an opportunity to tell your childhood trauma. Paint yourself in a good light. And it’s not about him rolling on the floor laughing either. It’s him getting a gage about what you like and little tidbits about your past. He doesn’t want to think you are bitter or resentful of the hand you were dealt.
Listen to your physical tone of voice…..
This is often overlooked. Sometimes, a tone of voice can be a turnoff. If you sound like the teacher in the movie “Ferris Bueller,” it won’t be attractive. I mean yea, obviously you are given the voice you were born with (don’t fake a British accent). Yet, tone of voice and inflections can sound different when a person is excited or bored. Your tone of voice gets higher if you are happy and excited and lower and scatchy if you are tired. If you are unsure of how you sound, record yourself with a voice note. We can’t hear our voice since our ears are on the side of our head. In our mind we think we sound sultry, but the reality is it’s low and monotone.
Practice speaking in feeling….
Practice a few rhetorical phrases alone in your room out loud. “It’s so chilly in this room I want to find my cozy blanket.” Or, “I’m so hungry I would kill for a cheesy slice of pizza right now.” Speaking in the present might feel silly or a waste of breath. However, you are recognizing what you are feeling in the present moment in your body, not your head.
You are allowed to rewrite your story…..
Not saying you should make up a story or lie. But let’s say you went to Cabo ten years ago on spring break and you had a miserable time for most of it. You were fighting with your college roommate and she called dibs on the guy you liked. I bet you had a day where the sun was shining and you went to the beach and had a blast. You have poetic license to only mention the good parts of the story. It doesn’t mean you are lying, it just means you are only bringing to light the nice parts of the story.
Never feel pressured to be an award-winning storyteller. The most important thing is to be in the present moment and express your feelings and emotions. It can help you down the road if you are in an argument. You can speak with your emotions or how his words made you feel, instead of shutting him out. If you are naturally funny then great, but it’s more about being in tune with observing your surroundings. You are allowed to edit things with your past stories, but you don’t need to tell the gritty details. The most important thing is to sound interesting and make him feel comfortable enough to open up. Maybe your sentence-of-a-story prompts him to tell a story he has never told anyone. Overall, be positive and don’t slip into resentment or complaining. Everyone loves a positive person and that’s the kind of partner he will want around.