Filler Dates

Not every date has to be about finding your soul mate. Sometimes, “filler dates” are a great way to practice being social and to alleviate dating anxiety. Who knows, maybe he is cooler than you thought! A filler date usually happens when a guy is pushing a date, but you are meh about him. Obviously, if he a total jerk, he doesn’t deserve a date at all. These are the “take it or leave it,” no skin-in-the-game guys. If you have a hot date coming up, a filler date a day before can take the pressure off and give you some practice if you are rusty. So, how should you handle these types of dates and how do you know you wound up on a filler date?…..

What are filler dates?….

Filler dates are just dates out of boredom or practice (this in itself is not a dating crime. You should be going on a few filler dates here and there to practice social skills and to not get rusty). You can tell if you are the filler date by the time of day or the location. Weekdays in the afternoon are questionable even if you are sitting down to beers. Another example is taking you to a non-date location. These include: going on an errand, taking his dog for a walk, grabbing coffee. If he is multitasking, it’s not a real date.

So, day dates are the kiss of death?….

Coffee dates are more so the kiss-of-death. I mean, he might be newly sober, etc., but just doing a quick meet up during the day means he is unsure about you or it’s a filler date. The only exception to a day-date is if something cool is happening during the day like a local fair or a beach date.

How do you take advantage of a filler date?…..

If he blindsided you into a filler date, then make the most of it. Really test out those flirting skills and body language. Speak in “story and feelings” by being in your feminine energy. Resist speaking in facts or bragging. You have to work that muscle because it won’t magically appear on your hot date. You will be nervous and go back into your default communication style.

Keep it short….

Do not waste a whole afternoon on a filler date. Give him maybe an hour or so, then get on with your day. He probably asked out of boredom or he wanted someone to go to lunch with. He could also be from out of town and wanted a tour guide.

Still expect him to pick up the tab…..

Normally, if it’s a filler date on his end, he will push a coffee or tea date. He doesn’t want to make a financial investment. Although, for God’s sake he should pay for your $3 coffee. If he doesn’t offer, then treat it like meeting a new friend. He could be someone platonic you hang with down the road.

Again, it’s all about practice….

Dating is improv–you need to be able to think fast on your feet with whatever is thrown at you. A challenging situation will help you navigate a real date with ease. It’s about practicing poise and not going into reactive mode.

Don’t pick a filler date over a real date….

If you have a choice of picking a filler date versus a real date, always go with the real one. Filler dates should only be gone on if it’s a dry period, or again if you need to take pressure off the hot date coming up.

Should you still do a pre-date?….

I still think you need a “pre-date” time with yourself. Be at a nearby location (check your messages, go to the bathroom, apply more perfume, pop a mint). You can always cut the time in half to 20 minutes to “get in the zone.” Listen to a pre-date hype playlist, or a ten-minute mediation with your headphones. Shake off the worry brain and get in your body.

Bottom Line…..

We all need practice dates. You gain confidence by doing things over and over. If you nail the first date like a pro, then that big date with your crush will be less daunting. This doesn’t mean you should be going on a ton of these types of dates. Still be selective–if a guy is hounding you for a date and you have a free afternoon, then go for it. Again, you don’t have to say yes to every filler date that comes your way. Take advantage of the situation and practice dating communication: flirting, being feminine, talking in stories and feelings. The better your communication and social skills, the better you will be at making great first impressions in any social situation.