Luv Ya / Love You

Language is a strong thing. Rarely do people communicate directly. In early messaging, you are usually trying to read between the lines to figure out the true meaning. Men have a language they use on women to say what they mean without getting in trouble. It’s no surprise that we spend hours analyzing a text from our crush. There is a great quote by comedian Chelsea Peretti: “If you text, I love you, and the person writes back an emoji–no matter what that emoji is–they don’t love you back.” I know it seems like a Seinfeld episode, but the way someone chooses to craft a message matters. Saying “I love you” in general is a game changer in the relationship.

The difference between ‘Luv ya’ and ‘Love you’…..

Men will try to sneak by and cover their tracks later on. Most men think in literal terms. If the text says “luv ya!” it’s not written in a formal way, meaning that he does not feel for you in a formal way. Also phrases like, “I am in love with you” is different from “I love you.” He can claim that he loves his sister or mother. Basically, it is just tricking you in the moment and misleading you. However, some men try to avoid this confusion all together and will not say he loves you in any form.

Pay attention to how he signs a card….

If you are in an exclusive relationship and you receive a birthday card, pay attention to how he signs it. Is it, “yours truly,” “xoxo,” “from”….All of these are ways of saying that he is not in love with you yet. Again, he doesn’t want a paper trail and be called out later.

Who should say, “I love you” first?……

You need to wait this one out. I know there is mixed advice on this, but if you say it first, then you risk him just reciprocating out of not causing a conflict. On the flip side, saying “I love you” gets thrown around a lot. In a short term relationship what he is really saying is, “I care for you.” I wouldn’t take his words too seriously in the first few months. It’s very easy to get caught up in emotions when intimacy is involved. Maybe he lacks experience with women and you are slightly different from girls he usually dates.

Once it’s already said, it’s hard to not say it all the time…..

“Can you pass the salt?…I love you.” It becomes an everyday phase that loses its meaning. This is why you shouldn’t get into the habit of saying it before you hang up the phone. You should be saying it less than he does. However, if he does something amazing, then he totally deserves an, “I love you.”

He doesn’t truly love you until he cuts all ties with all other women and deletes the apps…..

This is tough. Usually, this is the reason women go though their boyfriend’s phone. He might have said he deleted the apps, but he still might be late-night messaging with his ex- on snapchat. You can not see a future with someone if he is living in the past. If he constantly brings up his ex- unprompted, that’s not good. He needs to be laser-focused on you and the relationship.

Love and infatuation are not the same…..

Love grows and infatuation is instant and fizzles out. It’s super-rare to have two people on the same page with this. It takes a year-plus and many experiences together to know you love a person.

He needs to make sacrifices for you…..

When moving to a new city comes up, this is when true feelings come out. It’s easy to be in a convenient relationship when you live in the same town. What he does when he gets the job offer across the country says a lot about his feelings. He might even be applying to end the relationship.

What is “love bombing”?…..

Many narcissists use love-bombing methods, which is when a person comes on way too strong in the beginning. This can happen when someone is on the rebound and they are overlapping a feeling of love onto another person. It can be a tactic to sleep with a woman quickly. Women fall for it since it is portrayed in every romantic movie. If he is moving at lightening speed and is saying he loves you in the first week….beware. Usually this type of relationship crashes and burns and is driven by a very unstable person or a con artist.

“He is just not a romantic guy”…..

This is a phase a lot of women use to feel better about their lackluster relationships. She is trying to normalize not getting flowers or being doted on. The boyfriend role is to make you feel special and cared for, and most importantly, loved. There is no point in being exclusive with a man who does not go the extra mile. I understand that over time, romance takes a back seat. However, my parents have been married for 40 years and every Valentine’s Day, birthday, and anniversary there are always fresh red roses in a vase.

Bottom Line……

In arranged marriages, the concept is that love grows with time. We are used to having strong attraction and then burning out in a few months. It is wise to keep a good pace and timeline for a new relationship. The temptation is to see each other every day and move in after a few months. Try to keep yourself from being swept away in the current. However, on the flip side, most women feel they are waiting forever for him to say “I love you.” They make the mistake of pressing him on it or saying it before he does, which in turn throws off the power balance. Men will purposely not say the actual words, “I love you,” or “I am in love with you.” He will use phrases like, “luv ya, babe.” If he doesn’t sign off with “love” in a birthday card, it’s a bad sign. He is trying not to have evidence that he was misleading you. An “xoxo” isn’t the same as an “I love you,” and saying “sincerely” is the worst.