Timing is crucial in laying the groundwork for a relationship. This does not mean that things should be rushed. First impressions are the most important thing in the long game. It can take a while to know the perfect opportunity, whether he is in your class or you see him around town. Momentum is what happens after you get the date. Yet, time isn’t always on your side…..
What is the long game?……
Sometimes dating hurtles are exterior. The old-school way of dating is completely foreign to the quick-app culture. If you have a crush on a guy you see around town, a first impression is key. This is why it takes a long time. The problem is what might start out as a romantic notion can turn into a fantasy relationship. This could be fine as long as it doesn’t consume your life and prevent you from meeting new men. Here are some tips to lay the groundwork for the long game…
Do your research- If it’s possible to find him on social media, then do it discreetly. Do not do this on Linked-in (it will notify if someone looks at a profile). What you need to figure out is if he is single, and surface-level information.
Do you have friends in common- After doing online snooping you might discover some overlap in mutual friends. This is great because the best case situation is you will be introduced.
Is he in the public eye- I do not encourage stalking. Yet, if he is in a local band, I don’t see the harm in wearing a cute outfit, going to his show, and feeling things out.
Speaking of stalking- However, if you find out he works at the local ice-cream shop, do not show up to his shift. You won’t get a genuine response since he is treating you like a customer.
If he is in your class- It’s never a good idea to pursue. So, don’t ask him about the homework. If he notices you, then great; if not, let it go.
If he is a co-worker- Just don’t. Unless he has put in his 2-week notice it’s not worth it.
What is dating momentum?…..
Hey, it’s hard to get an introduction. It’s another mountain to climb to get a relationship off the ground. Pacing for a relationship is super important and it needs to come from you, not him. Hopefully, you are in a situation where he is smitten and wants to see you all the time. Then you can control the pace by pulling back….What happens when obstacles get in your way?
Vacations- holidays can bring a budding relationship to a halt. If you go on one date and it’s the holiday season…look out. In general, it’s hard to get a second date. Don’t be surprised if it fizzles out.
He doesn’t live in your town- Sure, you say you will eventually meet, but you probably won’t. If he is willing to go on a date, beware of him just wanting a fun night.
You are long distance- Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and makes you forget. A relationship that started long distance will probably stay virtual, resulting in boredom.
No transportation- It depends on what type of town you live in, but cars are fundamental in seeing each other. If he is a cyclist or doesn’t own a car, he will make you come to his side of town for every date. This builds resentment that will stop the relationship from building. He might even push it by using you as a free Uber driver.
He travels for work- I was in a situation where I went on a first date which I thought it went well, but every time I said hello he was across the country. This type of guy might be telling the truth, or he doesn’t want to get off the couch.
Age differences- Life arenas factor into successful relationships. Sure, you can totally date a younger or older guy. Yet, if your lifestyles are too different, there is no common ground to build off of.
The calendar- Going back to the holidays, when the relationship starts matters. If it’s too close to Valentine’s Day, it can throw things off balance. You expect way more than you would if it started in April.
Bottom Line…..
The two things that make a relationship come alive are chemistry and timing. Some hurtles can be jumped over, and some cannot. If you are going for the long game, first impressions matter the most. Do your research and show up to his improv night in a cute outfit and a positive attitude. You still need to keep in mind that he probably did notice you, yet wasn’t interested enough to approach you. So, there is no need to plant yourself in his line of vision. Sure, it’s silly to postpone a date if it’s February, just go on the date and see what happens. This day and age, it’s commonplace to cancel dates if there is an obstacle in the way. If he does step it up and jump over hurtles to be with you, it shows he actually cares.
Mostly Casual 