Gift Giving

In the five love languages (physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts ), very rarely are gifts on the list for men. With one guy in particular, I had the need to win him over. Every time I had a chance to see him I would bring over a small gift (artwork, a book, dreamcatchers). He would take the gift with a shrug and place it on the shelf. The next time I came by his place the objects would stare back at me as they collected dust.

Why is it a bad idea to give a guy a random gift?….

He needs to be the one to win you over. It also has an air of desperation. What might have meaning to you may not register as generous to him.

What’s the worst gift to give a man?…..

Flowers…. hands down. Most men would feel emasculated to receive flowers before a date or out of the blue. I mean, is there a guy out there who owns a small flower shop and knows the name of every flower?…it’s possible. As a general rule, don’t visit your local florist for a guy you have been seeing for a few months.

What if it’s his birthday or the holidays?…..

If you are in an exclusive relationship, the best type of gift to give is something useful. The most noteworthy present I gave to one boyfriend was a nice leather notebook since he was a writer, and I also gave him silver cuff links. Try not to spend a fortune, and keep things simple.

What about an anniversary or Valentines Day?…..

On these types of holidays a women needs to be celebrated more. He needs to worry about a physical gift. If you are an established couple, your job is to be delightful to be around and to spend quality time. For example, you could give him a back massage, or make a mouthwatering steak dinner.

Don’t take him out to dinner…..

It seems like the right thing to do because that’s what you would want from him. A true alpha male would feel embarrassed if the check arrived and she snatched it in front of the server. However, cheap, lazy men would love to be pampered with zero shame.

Has he ever gotten you a gift?……

If it’s early on in an exclusive relationship and you haven’t spent a birthday or holiday, it’s hard to know what to do. If his birthday comes first, do something nice for him, but don’t go big. If he does not get you a gift at all, it’s a deal breaker. Sure some gifts don’t have to be material. He could write you a poem, or a handwritten love note with your favorite chocolates. If he drops the ball, it’s intentional.

Shout out on Social Media…..

Yes, this isn’t a physical gift, but it’s an easy way to make a girl feel special. I know this guy who used to live in my hometown. With his previous girlfriend, you would never know they were even a couple. He would only post sports stuff on his feed. Then when he moved, he got a new girlfriend. On her birthday he posted on his feed a picture of both of them smiling on a beach. Below the pic the caption gushed about how lucky he was to have met her. If a man doesn’t post you on social media, even just a story (if you are exclusive), it’s a red flag. Men are capable of being romantic for the right girl.

What’s the difference between thoughtful and expensive?…..

I find that gifts do not have to cost a lot. In fact, some of the most meaningful gifts cost nothing. My college boyfriend edited a photo collage of pictures of us though the years to music. I thought it was so sweet and it took him hours to do. It cost him no money, only his time.

What about lingerie as a gift?….

Anything sexual can make you question why he wants to spice things up. Usually it’s harmless. When I worked at the mall, I would always see men wandering around Victoria’s Secret. At least it’s on the romantic side and he probably sees you as sexy. I wouldn’t overthink it too much. Worry more if he gives you a Rubik’s Cube wrapped in an old newspaper.

What types of gifts are red flags?…..

If he gives you something unromantic, it’s a bad sign…..

The worst gift ever is a gym membership! What is he trying to say–unless you expressed that you really wanted one, yet couldn’t afford it. Basically, if a gift is unromantic and completely out of the blue, alarm bells in your head should be going off.

Other examples are…..

  1. Free things- Hotel soap, matches from a bar, obvious re-gifts – ( acceptable–re-gifted tickets to the opera)

2. Hygiene items – Toothpaste, feminine hygiene, toilet paper ( acceptable – perfume, fancy bath stuff)

3. Gifts that imply he wants you to change- Box hair dye, provocative clothing, work-out equipment ( acceptable-if they have to do with a goal or dream of yours )

4. Household cleaning supplies- vacuum cleaner, micro-fabric dust cloth, Lysol disinfectant (acceptable-again, if it’s something you expressed you wanted, or a pretty household gift such as a beautiful vase, painting, tasteful furnishings)

Bottom Line….

Don’t overthink buying a gift for him. He needs to worry about impressing you. The more you give, the less you get. Your main job is to create a fun and loving environment by spending quality time. No sour mood or pouting in the corner while scrolling your phone. You might think that taking him to an expensive restaurant would impress him. Truthfully, it more than likely will make him feel emasculated. Watch out for gifts that don’t feel right or seem very last minute. Money should not factor into a good gift and he isn’t allowed to use that as an excuse. The best gifts aren’t expensive and come from the heart.