When To Live With A Guy

Men view moving in differently than women. It might make sense to him in the short-term since you can see each other all the time. It could save him a couple bucks and maybe spare him some gas money. From the women’s perspective, it is a serious step toward a committed future. For me, I made those decisions because I was living paycheck to paycheck and couldn’t afford a place of my own. I needed a roommate and it felt better to live with a boyfriend than a Craigslist roommate. I have two examples of how it didn’t work. In any major decision it’s best to go though the pros and cons when you take the leap of signing the lease.

Where does your relationship stand at this moment?….

Are you seriously committed with a ring on your finger and a wedding date? Or is it two months in? These are questions you need to ask yourself. Also, you need to understand that living together will not make you bond. Women think more time spent and late night talks will make him love her. The problem is that routine, seeing you floss, and sleeping in the same bed night after night does not build attraction.

Is he putting obstacles in the way?….

My college boyfriend insisted that we also live with our mutual friend…. If he is putting people in the way, like inviting his brother or cousin to live with you to split the rent, don’t sign the dotted line. He is making a compromise that suits him better. Frankly, he wants another roommate so if you break up, he has back up. He does not trust that your relationship will last.

Is he a drifter?….

Yes, this happened to me. My last “boyfriend” had just moved to town and conveniently wanted to commit really fast. My roommate was moving out and there was an available slot open. At the time, I was so desperate to have a “boyfriend” that I let him move in with me. He was consistently late on every rent check and bills, and to top it off, gave the apartment bed bugs.

Are you getting a new place or are you moving into his?….

This can change things. A move out of convenience is he asking you to move into his place. This to me isn’t a real change to his life at all. He has all the furniture and his big-screen TV. Adding you to the mix is a bonus. I understand that in a major city apartments aren’t cheap and leases and landlords can be weird, but you just shouldn’t do anything out of convenience especially if it makes his life easier.

What’s the rush?….

Fear-based decisions should not be made when there is money on the line. Most women think moving in with a guy is a way to police his every move. He can’t be out at the bars at 3 a.m. if he lives with you, right? Wrong. He can do whatever he wants because he knows the lease is for a year and he has your signature.

Have you been on vacation together?….

This is a way to test out how a person really lives. If you are staying at a hotel together, are his socks everywhere and wet towels on the bathroom floor? That’s his default behavior.

It all comes back to money….

Think in terms of long-term, not short-term. Remember the bed bugs guy? I had to pay a treatment that was $700. And at that point he was long gone onto the next living situation. Sure, in the short term you think, well we do see each other a lot. I could save money on gas. You need to think about the possibility of you breaking the lease. Or having to find a new roommate last minute, or even having to move back in with your parents. All this costs money. More money than you thought you would spend.

Bottom Line….

If you are young, you will more than likely make the mistake of living with a boyfriend. It happens. Hopefully, it wasn’t that bad and you learned from it. It’s not always the end of the world if you live with a guy. My examples are cautionary tales that can happen. Overall, men don’t see moving in as a big deal. So he will probably bring it up at some point down the road. This doesn’t mean he wants to take the relationship to the next step. It’s way better to maintain your independence and mystery for as long as possible. You can’t undo him seeing you in an unflattering light. When my college boyfriend and I moved in with our mutual friend…. romantic dates? Gone. Hanging out solo, gone. I felt we went from boyfriend-girlfriend to bros at a frat house. He choosing to spend time with you and carving out dates feels better than you just being there.