The Liking Complex

It’s easy to play hard to get with a man you aren’t that interested in. There is a shift when you actually have feelings. The power dynamic has changed. A lot of the time there is a complaint that the guys you like never like you back…why? Believe it or not, we treat a guy we like way differently than a guy we don’t like. Our energy of desperation can seep out in unique ways.

How do we know we have a crush?….

A lot of the time it’s easy to fall for a guy from afar. Your actual attraction might be him simply not giving you the time of day. Women fall for the chase, too. Honestly, I feel that women fall for it more because it involves a fantasy relationship.

How do we sabotage the relationship?….

Sometimes, it’s easier for us to hear a “no” rather than silence. If a guy likes you, he will figure out a way to talk to you. He will track you down on social media or start a conversation in person.

Don’t tell your friends who your crush is….

If he is a guy you see a lot in person, do not tell your friends you have a crush on him. Friends will mean well (or some just might want the entertainment ) and tell you to go up and talk to him. You will feel pressure from friends, go up to him, then feel immediate regret. Save your dignity and don’t mention that your crush is in the room.

Why we should treat all men the same….

If he knows you like him, then he might take advantage of that and have zero sense of urgency to text you. You act interested in person if he takes you on dates. Anything other than that is overdoing it.

If he hasn’t reached out, let it go….

It’s not because he doesn’t have your number. It’s extremely easy to find someone on Facebook or Instagram. If it’s a case of a guy you frequently see in person, but have never spoken with, don’t strike up a conversation. First of all, you don’t know if he is married or gay, etc. Even if you think a simple question is harmless, it could cause a lot of embarrassment if he immediately rejects you or ignores you. I have been in a few of those situations where I was having a carpe diem-type day. I would strike up a conversation and then after a certain point, I felt like a bar fly. Sometimes it can work for a short period and then you feel it is a silly rule to not be able to strike up a conversation. Unfortunately, the guy will not pursue you further and you will end up being confused.

It’s so tempting to make the first move…

When I like a guy, I tend to get an uncontrollable urge to text or to send a DM. It’s like something comes over me that I have no control over. A rush will come over me when I see that the message is seen. It’s like playing Russian roulette. It’s a rush because you never know the outcome and you know you are doing something wrong. To avoid this, do not save the numbers of your crushes in your phone. Keep the platforms of communication simple. For men you don’t care about, give out snapchat. With your crush, give out your phone number (if he asks for it!). Then write down the first three numbers after the area code of his phone number somewhere and delete it out of your contact list. This way you will know he is texting you, but you can’t contact him. This will save you embarrassment when you are out and have had a few too many, or are being over-encouraged by friends.

Passive reciprocation…..

YouTuber, Shallon Lester, brings this up a lot. Passive reciprocation is when you do reach out and he gets back to you immediately, will have a conversation, yet will never take it further. We convince ourselves that he answered so that must mean something. The worst thing you can do is continue to reach out over and over. This is when ghosting happens the most. It’s usually him being bored, then polite, then he doesn’t want you to think he likes you. If you do end up reaching out and he doesn’t ask for your number or to hang out sometime, just stop. If you were at a party, you (hopefully) would not keep tracking a guy down. So, treat it like you would in the real world.

Bottom Line….

Crushes can be a hinderance in dating. We tend to ruin any chance with him because we come with desperate energy and too much interest. We don’t have a mystery to us that can create attraction. A crush can go on for years if you let it. After a certain point, you need to give yourself a reality check. If he hasn’t reached out, tried to talk, etc, he probably has a girlfriend or isn’t into you. Take a day to mourn the loss in a kind way to yourself (treat yourself to a nice dinner, book that hair appointment, take a long bath uninterrupted). Write it down in a journal or speak to yourself out loud. Releasing the energy will help you move on quicker than you expected.