How to Take a Dating Pause

I recently started listening to the “Charisma Quotient” podcast. The host Kimmy Seltzer breaks down a lot of dating issues that are going on in quarantine. Her overarching advice is to make dating a routine much like a daily exercise routine. Carve out two hours that work best for you and then keep your notifications off in the meantime. In this window, just focus on flirting! In this pandemic, all the control freaks (myself included) are wanting the answers to the unknowns. This is a great time for reflection and sometimes a break or a pause is the secret ingredient for keeping your sanity. A full break is like trying to redecorate your house. You need to take out all the furniture before you get in there and paint. But… most of the time, drastic measures do not need to be made. It could just be slight burn out or you might need a few days off the apps. How do you know the difference between needing a full break versus a pause?

Are you frustrated by one situation or dating as a whole?…

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by a guy who was awful or being disrespected. Not all guys are like that. It’s more important to be on guard for the red flags. Plus, having a bad experience here and there can be helpful to spot the good.

You don’t need all the apps…

At one time I had every app I could get. It felt at the time that more is more and it’s a numbers game. Turns out, it just makes connecting impossible if all you are doing is swiping. Plus you will forget conversations or even if you talked in the first place.

You can log out of the apps instead of deleting…

Deleting and re – downloading too often might get you locked out eventually. What you can do is just log out and then log back in at a certain time of day or evening when you want to swipe. You can also turn off notifications and sounds.

Meet guys in the real world and don’t use the apps…

Maybe the apps are the issue, but you still want to date. As things start to open up more, it might be easier to meet new guys in person. Remember to still be safe. It’s probably a great time to go slow and not rush things. You can really decide who you want to go out with instead of with anyone who asks.

How to know if you need a long pause…

Going though a tough breakup, trying to focus on career, and getting your life together are the most common reasons to take a real break. To me, a real break means: no apps, no dates, and turning down a date if it comes up. If you are getting distracted by dating, or are using it to avoid working on your goals, then it’s time to take a full-on break.

You need to clean out the house before you paint…

What I mean by this is to clear out your Instagram, remove Snapchat friends, and go though Facebook, in addition to deleting the apps. It’s best to have a clean slate and not be roped in again. When dating is used as a distraction, taking it away will open up your schedule. Commit to focusing on you and your goals.

Bottom Line….

Take a day or two to think things over before you act. In the heat of the moment, it feels natural to delete the apps and throw your phone across your room. The next day you re – download and start over again. Some pauses are very minor, such as not using the apps for a weekend. If you are committed to taking a full break, then do it for six months or more. It should change your perspective and build up self-worth.