The “Ten Year Guy”

The “U Up” podcast talks a lot about “the ten-year guy.” When it was first brought up, I literally thought I was the only one who had this dynamic. I actually had two ten-year guys! It’s so interesting how a woman views the ten-year guy versus how a man views it. In a woman’s mind she is thinking, “how could he keep up contact with me for so long! He must be secretly in love with me!” This is what drives the relationship and you think you are Carrie Bradshaw and Big. Finding out the man’s perspective on it was very heartbreaking and frankly infuriating.

What’s his deal?….

So… yeah, I hate to break it to everyone, but guys don’t see the ten-year relationship as a long drawn-out saga. He simply sees it as “the hometown girl” or “my college girl.” Hearing that made my blood boil. I held onto these men because I was convinced that a decade of knowing a person means it’s meant to be.

Why does he hold on?…

You let him. Old business is easier to drum up then new business. If he feels he has you in his back pocket, then why would he cut contact?

Why cutting people off is so important…

The book “The Rules” bring up the concept of “the time-wasters.” The ten-year guy falls into this category. You might even confront him and ask what he wants out of it and he will give a disappointing answer. I recently asked one of my ten-year guys this and he said he doesn’t want to commit. He would always come in hot and say sweet nothings, then when confronted with action he would immediately back down.

Time is important…

I feel like dating is sort of like advertising. “Act now before the offer expires!” There is some truth in that. At least, that is how you should view it. You aren’t getting any younger and most men love to waste your time.

How long is too long?…

When a guy is enamored, it moves at a fairly fast pace. If it moves too fast, like him saying, “I love you” on the first date, then that’s love bombing. But you get the idea there will be a momentum that is moving towards something in a timely manner. You should be the one controlling the pace, but that’s a different article. It shouldn’t take him a decade to figure out if he likes you. School, work, and family are used as excuses a lot of the time. If you are both adults out of school with jobs, etc, then there are no excuses, yet it’s easy to put obstacles in the way when you are unsure.

Bottom line…..

Women are great at seeing the bright side and having a sense of romance. I have been 100% guilty of this. It’s nice to live your life as a wide-eyed romantic. Unfortunately, you can get to a point where you are held back from meeting a great guy because the “what if” men are in the way. In dating, things need to be seen as face value. Men will unapologetically waste your time and you will feel stupid for holding out for nothing. I say there needs to be a cut-off period if there are no dates or pursuing. A good thing to do is don’t be so carefree with giving out your phone number, etc. And be ok with blocking or removing from snapchat after a certain point. Your time is precious and should not be wasted.