It’s easy to blame the guy for the date going poorly. What if you were the one who messed up? For me if I clearly know it was my fault, I take it very personally. It can happen if you are really into a guy or you don’t want to be on the date. Self-sabotage happens in uncomfortable situations. So what can be done after we know we messed up?….
First of all… it probably wasn’t that bad….
You are your worst critic. Maybe you thought your conversation about boloney sandwiches went on too long and bored him. You have to keep in mind that each person on the date is perceiving things in different ways. Another thing to keep in mind is that men are rarely listening to you. I know that sounds harsh, but really it’s more about how you look and how you sound.
What are some reasons the date went south?…..
- It’s all about being on your A-game for a date. You have to be mentally prepared. I talk a lot about giving yourself that 40-minute pre-date to get into a better headspace and mood. This does not have to involve alcohol. You can play a meditation app, take a walk, or do yoga before you leave the house. Be in your feminine energy.
- Dates that happen too late in the night can also be a problem. If you are super-tired, you won’t have the patience to remain positive and interested. Schedule a date in the evening time, but not at 11pm.
- Maybe you have something weird happen to you before you meet up. This can really shift your mood. Remember that you can push back a date to an hour later. Get that feeling out of your system.
- If he is not talking enough and you feel you need to be the hired entertainment…. STOP! This is the situation where you reveal too much information about yourself. Or you are trying to seem funny and are telling dysfunctional stories about yourself. It’s not worth the joke. Sure, you can make a funny comment or observation here and there, but it’s not the time to do your one-woman show.
- In the same vein, you got way too drunk and just spilled all your secrets…. This is bad. One of my worst dates was when I got too drunk and I cried…yea. In a less extreme way, you can simply just say the wrong thing. If you are talking about past trauma or how you go to a therapist, you probably won’t get a second date.
What are the steps for damage control?…
If you really messed up, then it’s best to just unmatch and cut ties – Just erase the date in your mind and move forward.
It helps to get a palate-cleanser date – Go on a date A.S.A.P with someone else.
DO NOT apologize to the bad date – It will draw attention to how bad the date was.
If you know him outside of an app – Avoid his normal hang-out spots for a while.
The biggest date fail is revealing too much….
You just can’t be mysterious on the next date…. it’s over. Sometimes a guy will push you to reveal too much information. If this happens, remember this isn’t an interrogation. You do not have to answer. Also, you are allowed to tell white lies and dodge questions. Men who push women to show her cards have their own motives. Maybe he is trying to find a way to sleep with you faster or worse, see if he can get money out of you. Don’t fall for it.
In the day of social media you can always unfollow and disappear….
It’s better to go under witness protection than to have that date track you down. This is also another reason to not follow each other on Facebook or Instagram before meeting. I even like to just keep it to Snapchat instead of giving out my number.
If you think you just bored him with talking too much, it might not have been as bad as you imagined. As long as you aren’t dancing on the table while crying you should be ok. It’s not worth doing a self-deprecating joke or story. You need to present yourself in a positive way. If your default is talking like Daria, you need to get in a positive headspace first. Meditate, talk to a positive friend, watch a funny cat video–you get it. At the end of the day, I am sure it was worse in your head. I have had a few dates where I totally bombed. Life goes on. The faster you go on another date, the better. Soon you will be yesterday’s news.