Being Stood Up

A generation ago, it was shocking to be stood up for a date. The irony was that back then you might have to find a payphone or maybe your cellphone didn’t have a lot of minutes, but you would still make every effort to contact your date if you could not show up. Nowadays, people cancel at the last second with no remorse and not even a simple text. With the rise of dating apps, there has become less accountability to go though with a date. This is general advice on what to do if you get stood up. Having a date who bails during a pandemic stings a bit more. (Either way remember to be safe on dates).

He might have confirmed and said he was on his way then….ghost….

This is a possibility. You think everything has gone right since he confirmed. Something probably happened before he got to the place you had planned to meet. He might have gotten too nervous or an ex- or another date contacted him. He figures it’s just an app date, so he doesn’t owe you anything.

What can we do when we get stood up?….

Remain calm and do not text him. If you are at the pre-date location, stay there and relax. Text a few friends seeing if they are around. It’s a good idea to feel comfortable being alone without the safety net of a date or a friend. Observe your surroundings and be open. Who knows, maybe a guy will strike up a conversation with you there or you will run into an old friend.

I will let you know…means NO….

Don’t let a guy be wishy-washy with you. If he says that he will be working and should be off, but he will let you know, just say ok, let’s do it another time. Don’t let him waste your night waiting on him.

Don’t go to the date location until he says he is there…..

This is why it’s best to be settled into a pre-date location first so you aren’t waiting at a table at a restaurant. It would be super-embarrassing to tell the server that you will be dining alone, or have to leave.

The biggest excuse for not showing up is work….

You can’t argue with work. It’s so easy for him to say that he got swamped at the office and couldn’t get to his phone. Sure, it could totally be true, but it’s still suspicious.

Car issues are also a lie….

Anything ranging from the-car-is-in-the-shop to I-ran-out-of-gas-on-the-highway are more than likely lies.

“My friend Kyle showed up out of nowhere”….

Are we living in the 90s? Do people show up out of nowhere?

The more details, the bigger the lie….

If he ends up telling an elaborate story about how he had to save a cat that was stuck in a tree… come on. If it feels like he is explaining way too much, it’s probably just that… a story. In reality, he probably either met someone else at the last minute or he felt his La-Z-Boy recliner was way more comfortable than meeting you.

What if he reschedules with a new time and place?….

As “the rules” say, “canceling is the kiss of death.” The only time it’s acceptable is if there was a real emergency. If he can cancel one date, he can cancel any other thing down the road. It shows his lack of interest, and that he doesn’t care if he ruins his shot with you.

Bottom Line…

I wouldn’t bother calling a guy out for standing you up. Don’t let him try to apologize just to let him do it again, unless it’s a true emergency. He shouldn’t be trusted, because he broke an agreement with you. It’s also a sign that he never wanted to meet in the first place. Just say “next” and move on. Be comfortable with being by yourself in public. Be ok with going with the flow and being solo. It is easier for a a new guy to approach you when you are by yourself.