Closure

Getting dumped out of the blue can make any person go into an anxiety spiral….. “Is it something I said?” “Did he meet someone else?’’ The worrying will take over your life. The reality is that even when some questions are answered, it’s hard to feel satisfied. More than likely, he will give a kind generic answer, “There is just something missing.” To be honest, one thing that didn’t work in one relationship might be the secret formula in the next relationship.

Should we ask for closure?…..

Obviously, it depends on the situation. If he left you at the altar, I think it would be fair to get an explanation. Usually, it’s not out of the blue. There will be distance and a change in the wind. You will feel it.

Is it easier to move on if we don’t know the answers?….

If you have the mantra of “oh well, his loss,” it will help you move forward easier. I am speaking mainly of casual dating. It does get more complicated if you are in a serious exclusive relationship. If you have a break up after a four-year relationship, sometimes you will try to find ways to hate him so you can conclude he is a horrible person. It is infuriating to get a generic, “it’s not you, it’s me” answer. Closure is really about having the last fight and wanting him to be an asshole so you can rally with your girlfriends. Sometimes, that is the way to move forward, although it may sting.

Can we be prepared before a break up happens?….

I do think there will be signs that the end is near. Out-of-the-blue really doesn’t happen too often. Here are some signs a breakup is approaching:

1. He texts you less – If communication has taken a back seat, look out.
2. He is always busy – Sure work could have gotten more busy or he has a deadline, but it’s the best excuse to avoid someone.
3. He is thinking about relocating – Any guy who tries to soften the breakup with wanting to do long-distance has been thinking about this plan for a while
4. The vibe is off – You will just sort of know something is up. Trust your gut.
5. He is talking more and more about her – It’s just odd that he talks his new “friend” a lot and out of nowhere…..
6. He is putting obstacles in front of you to not move forward – he might prefer living with multiple roommates rather than with you.

It’s run its course…

Relationships can simply run out of steam. It doesn’t mean that the relationship was a failure if it only lasted a few years. Maybe your early-20s is completely different from your late-20s. Not everyone grows at the same rate. You might find yourself wanting a breakup for no real reason. Those are the hardest breakups since there is technically nothing wrong.

The only closure should be not having an enemy….

This, of course, depends on what caused the breakup. If he cheated or stole money from you, etc., you don’t have to be cool with him. If it was a case that it was a normal relationship that fizzled, then there is no point in having him as an enemy. The closure in that case might be to have the understanding that you are cool with each other and there is no bad blood.

Bottom Line…..

Break ups are hard and sometimes just unfair…. It’s heartbreaking to find out he broke up with you for such a dumb reason. Mainly it’s because the relationship has run its course or he met someone else. The worst you can do is blame yourself and think you are undateable. Hearing an insulting reason why he wants out will stick with you. Yes, you should evaluate yourself and how you can do better for the next relationship. If all your relationships in your life (friends, family , co -workers ) are strained, you need to take a step back and make some changes. You do need some self-awareness. However, if you really did nothing, then it might have been as simple as he didn’t like cats and you do. Truthfully, there is no fair explanation. Sit with the fact that you won’t get the full truth. Get your own closure. You just need to tell yourself that it wasn’t the right match.