Attachment styles factor into how people see commitment. The three main attachment styles are: Secure, Avoidant, and Anxious. “Secure” attachment types are people who are comfortable with commitment and intimacy. “Anxious” attachment types are people who are clingy or jealous. People who have issues with commitment are “Avoidant” types, who might avoid relationships because of baggage and trauma. There are also hybrids of these styles….
Are you afraid of commitment?….
There are some signs that you just don’t actually like being in a relationship because of fear. It can also happen because of past trauma, such as being in an abusive or toxic relationship. It’s possible you could be the type to always have a boyfriend then end up becoming a commitaphobe. Here are the signs that you lean more towards being afraid of commitment.
- You only want casual relationships – You always say he is moving too fast when he is at a normal pace. You feel most comfortable meeting new dates and having hookups.
- You will dump him over nothing – Very rarely will you try to work it out with a partner. The first fight ends up being a breakup.
- You have a lot of crushes – Crushes are an easy way to have an excuse not to be with anyone. Especially if the guy doesn’t know you exist.
- Too much attention from one guy makes you overwhelmed – When a guy pursues you and is treating you really nice, you have a panic attack.
- You love long-distance relationships – You don’t have the pressure of doing the typical relationship stuff, but you still have the title.
- When he mentions future plans you start to sweat – Even if he is talking in hypotheticals, it still makes your stomach turn.
Breaking a pattern of a toxic relationship can be scary…..
You might finally meet a super nice guy who really wants to commit. And yet you feel like you are being tricked so you never give him a chance. It’s hard to really know if he is using the “nice guy” card, or is in fact a nice guy. In addition to that, you will not be physically attracted to an actual nice guy because he is not familiar to you.
Timing can make you want to commit or not….
If you feel like you aren’t in a great place in your life, then you won’t feel like committing. This, however, can also be used as an excuse because “getting your life together” can take a lifetime.
Is being afraid of commitment the end of the world?…..
As long as there is self awareness it is not a problem. In modern times more and more people choose to remain single. Actress Emma Watson coined the term “self-partnered” because there was such a stigma about being a spinster. Being in a serious relationship should not be taken lightly. Most of the time people get coupled up out of fear and they will settle for someone who is completely toxic. It’s better to be single than to be with someone that doesn’t make you feel special.
Don’t let your friends and family intimate you…..
Your family might mean well and they equate happiness with having a partner. If you are constantly complaining about your bad dates or moping around, then they will constantly be trying to set you up. If you act happy with being single, they will be happy for you.
Maybe you just have high standards….
Maybe you settled for less in the past and realized it wasn’t worth it. You should be picky and not go out with any guy who wants to.
Should you settle down?….
Feeling super-left-out when all your friends get married and start having children is very common. Remember that you can’t compare someone else’s journey to yours. Everyone has their own past trauma and baggage. Your friend might be ready to commit and settle down, but you might not. The pressure as you get older will be stronger and stronger. Be in a relationship for you, not others. Some people never get married or have children and enjoy the company of men causally. You might finally get married at 40, then divorced at 50. There is no guarantee you will be married forever.
There is nothing wrong with taking things slow….
We live in an instant culture. Nowadays, after two dates people are becoming an exclusive couple. Why don’t you date at a slower pace and get to know him? Most people who have a fear of commitment have made the mistake of rushing things in past relationships. Learn from your past and choose to slow down. Go on more dates; be with each other in different situations.
A fear of commitment is usually framed as a bad thing. It’s better to look at it as being choosy and cautious. There is a lot of pressure to hurry up and couple up. Friends and family expect you to want a boyfriend no matter what. Enjoying being single and dating casually is perfectly fine. If you are constantly not giving guys a chance, then that is an issue. You are allowed to take things at your own pace and trust yourself. A woman who has been in a ton of toxic relationships and has rushed things should be more hesitant to dive into an exclusive relationship. Let him prove to you he is the right guy. Dating pressure happens more and more the older we get. Don’t stay in a relationship because you are afraid of being single.