Why You Need To Read, or Re-read “He’s Just Not That Into You”

Yes, I am aware the book came out in 2004, and yes, it took me 16 years to finally read it. For me, quarantine has made me rethink dating. Sure, being casual is fun, but how great is casual when you can’t meet up anymore. You realize you can only talk to your casual guy about work and well…you know. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting casual or to date no one. What I don’t think is good is settling for less. This book is a beautiful reminder that we as women love to lick up crumbs dropped on the floor by him. I am guilty of it, too. Getting a comment on one of my Instagram photos made my day last week, yet hmmm… maybe he doesn’t realize that the phone he is holding makes calls, too? I highly recommend listening to “The Girls Gotta Eat Podcast” where they interview the co-author, Greg Behrendt.

“That book is so old and the movie kind of sucked, how could I get advice from it?”

Well, I will be honest, you won’t get much advice from the movie. It completely backpedals and ruins the whole essence of what we should have learned. (That’s Hollywood for ya.) But as a book, wow. I felt personally attacked at points. It’s brilliant to bring up every excuse and still give such a simple response (“he’s just not that into you”).

Casual daters can get a lot out of it, too….

Sure, it brought up relationship-type topics like cheating, etc. At the end of the day, it’s about how you are being treated. Are you happy with the situation, or are you making up excuses and accepting less than you want?

Calling is a real thing to expect….

I know that most people will say, “Calling? Well, this was written a long time ago.” But calling, especially in quarantine, should be something to expect from a guy who is actually into you. It’s easy to get excited over a Snapchat convo, but if he doesn’t want to hear your voice ever… yea.

You deserve real love…

I know this can be hard to believe, for me it’s extra hard. It’s important to always have an abundance mindset with dating. There is always a wonderful new guy around the corner. Now is a great time to sift though all the fuckboys and try to connect with a genuine guy.

It’s great to have a list taped to your wall with your standards….

It’s easy to bend standards, boundaries, and goals when you don’t even know what they are. Be firm about how you want to be treated and what you cannot tolerate. This will weed though a lot of guys who were just looking to use you.

Expect more from men….

I know that sounds weird, but society still has a “boys will be boys” attitude. Thankfully, this mindset has been slowly chipped away since the me-too movement. Still, the media shows men as dumb and incapable so we are forced to give them a pass.

A man will go above and beyond if he likes you….

Tying into the expecting-more-from-men, if he likes you, he will move mountains. If he doesn’t have your number, it’s super easy these days to find it (Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn) Back in the day, a man would have to cold call every “Becky Smith” in the yellow pages until he found the right one.

Have an intention with dating….

I feel you can at least have a dating goal with a new guy. Do you want him to be your boyfriend? Or do you just want to have fun for a few months? Decide this before things start going and you can’t take back what has already happened or been said.

Bottom Line…

I recommend getting “He’s Just Not That Into You” on audio and reading along with your Kindle. Now is the perfect time to read it to check in with yourself. Are you getting what you really want out of dating? Or are you settling for guys who give you next to nothing? Greg really hammers home that is way better to be alone rather than to be with a guy who is abusive or is not head-over-heels for you. I know it seems hard to show up empty-handed around the holidays, but you have to hold out for the right guy to bring around your family. It’s mind-boggling what we put up with as women. All the negging, public humiliation, and not even getting the basics of a relationship. Again, it’s not all about landing a boyfriend. The most important thing is getting your needs met without compromising your happiness