We are raised on fairytales and Romcoms. Always hearing romantic stories from friends of friends and wish desperately that we will finally meet “The One.” This way of thinking can really hurt you from landing a wonderful partner in the end. Fate and the universe are all excuses to keep texting back our ex.
How do we stop from feeling we lost “The One”?….
It can be the hardest thing to do to truly let go of someone. However, thinking of him as a soulmate for that moment in time will help. Don’t erase the connection or try to pretend it didn’t mean anything. A soulmate doesn’t have to mean forever. You might have multiple “ones” in your life and that is perfectly fine.
- Don’t keep him in your life as a “friend” – when you have a strong connection, he feels it, too, and wants to keep you around in some way. However, he won’t be swayed to finally end up with you.
- Don’t try to win him over – I used to buy gifts for this guy I was crazy about, would dress up to the nines, and do anything he asked of me…not worth the effort.
- Don’t try to figure out why he didn’t choose you – You won’t get a real answer, or not the answer you want. It’s probably not about you anyway.
A first love is the most memorable….
I still have dreams about my college boyfriend. I really loved him and he was my longest relationship. It’s pretty normal to always remember a first love. Some people do marry their high school or college boyfriend. And honestly, they might be better off. Still, living in the past and agonizing about the what-ifs doesn’t allow you to move forward. I go back and forth with thinking if my life panned out right. Would I be happier if I had ended up with him and not experienced dating anyone else? It’s frustrating to not know all the answers. I do feel that it’s best to experience a lot and then really choose a person. It’s like if you have only eaten vanilla ice-cream instead of trying more flavors. How do you even know you really like vanilla?
Compatibility and a strong physical connection are different…..
Compatibility is more than a feeling of physical attraction. Long-term, it is better to be with a guy who is compatible and aligned with your core beliefs. Yes, physical attraction and that story of love at first sight is romantic. Yet you have to keep in mind that you are going to eventually get out of the bedroom and have to shop at the grocery store. On that note, how does he treat you? Sometimes the most passionate relationships are the most toxic. Again, it goes back to just surface-level attraction. He may be a great kisser, yet treats you terribly. This is a situation where you can’t go off of your feelings.
Yes, you will move on and there will be many men you will connect with. Sometimes, it really is about the universe choosing a person for you for a moment in time. Some men are there for a reason or a season, as they say. I don’t think you should abandon the idea of true chemistry. Yes it’s real. Don’t think you missed your chance or that you’ll never find another man better than him. You will. I have to tell myself the same thing a lot. It actually drove me to do casual dating and to be more careful with my heart. This might be your journey as well. Remember that dating is about you and your needs, not theirs. Loving yourself is the most important thing. It could be a great lesson or even make you see how unimportant it is to date. It’s very liberating to not put a huge emphasis on pleasing a man and to only make YOU happy.