So much of our love life is in our heads. The best thing about having a crush is imagining what will happen and what type of guy he is. You can create a whole romantic trajectory with a stranger. You receive a serotonin boost when he watches your story on Instagram or sends you a text. Crushes are pretty harmless unless it becomes an obsession. “Mystical thinking” is not living in reality, you might read into actions too strongly and be convinced that fate wants you to be together. In isolation, it’s easy to spiral and to have obsessive thoughts ( I certainly have ).
Why is a fantasy relationship bad?…
- It makes you miss red flags – your brain can override logic when you believe a person is meant to be in your life.
- It keeps you in your head – You can get stuck on one person when you should be open to talking to other men.
- You feel like a crazy person – It’s easy to go down a rabbit hole and get obsessed with a guy you don’t even know.
“I keep matching with him on tinder”….
It doesn’t mean that he is interested. I have matched with the same guys over and over and they haven’t started a conversation once. Sometimes men just swipe on every girl just to build up matches and sort though them later.
Has he reached out to you?…
Most of us are out of work or working at home. It takes less than a minute to send out a, “just seeing how you are?” text. Is he doing that?
Does he live in another part of the world?….
There are long-distance relationships, then there are long-distance relationships. Some women meet guys though social media and they start a “relationship.” You decide to cut yourself off from other men because you believe “someday” you will be united.
You think the bad boy is going to change for you…..
This can be a major problem. I think a woman’s biggest fantasy is turning a bad boy into a devoted husband. You think that he will stop drinking and finally get his life together because of you. Unfortunately, he will always pick drugs and alcohol before you. Yes, there are always exceptions, but usually it’s because he is ready to change for him and you happen to be dating.
Once he get’s into that good law firm it will all be different…..
In the same vein as destructive behavior, it’s also easy to fall in love with potential. You don’t fall for the guy in the present moment, but you fall in love with who he could become.
Is he a celebrity?…..
There is nothing wrong with having a celebrity crush, I have a few. There is a difference between having a poster on your wall and thinking you will end up together. Sure, you do hear stories about celebrities ending up with normal people. However, those women are usually connected to the film industry or have some sort of celebrity connection though family. You might get to meet a celebrity. Please act like a normal human being. Acting like a super-fan girl is awkward for everyone involved. Celebrities get tired of crazed fans. Be normal and low key. Don’t write fan letters or DM him.
Sometimes it’s fun to be in our heads and daydream about a crush. Sadly, it can get to a point where you are obsessing over a guy who doesn’t know you exist or be in a relationship that’s based on potential. Either way, it’s one big fantasy that can waste years of your life. You really have to live in the present moment and see things at face value. It is easier sometimes to be in total denial because it hurts to be rejected. Our brain likes to protect us from heartache so we can make up a whole narrative about how he is going to change. This might make you feel good in the short term, but long term it will be a waste of time. It prevents you from connecting with a guy who truly cares for you and is asking you out.