I was a serial monogamist. I would simply jump into exclusivity if HE wanted to. When app dating came to be everyone was saying it was “The Dating Apocalypse.” For me, it was very liberating to have a catalogue of men and have the choice to talk and meet up. Rediscovering the book, “The Rules,” has helped to be casual and to hold the power in any dating situation.
Why I decided to be mostly casual….
Dating is constantly on shaky ground, whether you are in a longterm committed relationship or not. I think a lot of the time the biggest complaint with dating in a linear fashion is “wow, I wasted two years of my life and for what?” When I mean linear, I mean dating one person for an unspecified amount of time. This traditional method leaves you years older with no knowledge of the dating scene. When the relationship ends it feels as if you were blindfolded then dropped at a random location without a GPS.
I am not against marriage and a commitment to someone….
My feeling is why commit when there is no commitment? Just a promise of seeing where it goes? You need to have perspective on what is really out there.
Is casual dating easy?….
In a word…no. You will go on bad dates and get rejected. It comes with the territory. There will be dry periods, hot streaks, and a casual bae here and there. All hopefully will be leading to the right partner, not a partner out of desperation. Also there is nothing wrong with simply being single, or “self-partnered” as actress Emma Watson coined.
A main guy, an alternate, and new dates are something to strive for….
In “casual,” you need options, yet you don’t want to only see strangers. It’s best to shoot for a main guy that you see, an alternate guy, and continue to go on new dates. It might not all line up at once, but it’s a good thing to strive for. When you have your energy in a lot of different places you don’t feel disappointed if a guy doesn’t text, or cancels. You don’t have a desperate energy and can simply enjoy meeting new men.
Dating needs to be fun. You will be the most interesting friend at the brunch table. Don’t let your parents or friends pressure you to couple up. Deep down you know what’s best. We live in a more casual and open-to-explore dating world. Embrace it, don’t fight it. I have been in the dating trenches for years. With the crazy dates, dealing with fuck boys, and men and their egos. I have gained insight and done research. Hopefully it can help you to feel more empowered and less stressed about dating.